Christian Living

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Dan Langerock
1400 E. Menlo #22
Hemet, Calif. 92544
440 words


How do you behave once you have absolved someone of harming you?


The answer to this question depends upon your nature as a person as well as how deeply you have been hurt. Some people can easily forgive while others carry it around for years when they are harmed. As you read, try to determine which type of person you are in this spectrum, if any:

Repeat Performance
Do you allow the person who wronged you to forget what they did to you? Are you constantly rehearsing to them and others what happened? If this is the case, you will never heal from the wound endured, and neither of you will have closure of the incident. True forgiveness does not bring up the matter again once it is supposedly over.

Avoidance
This can take the form of not speaking to the person, excluding them from gatherings, being hesitant or overt about being around them. etc. The latter can be a self-defense mechanism to keep from being hurt again.

Remarks
Cutting words and inuendos are the norm in this category. Every chance is taken to jab at the person as a way of “paying back” for what you did to them. You never let them rest, they must always be on guard against your verbal abuse.
Another form of this is to tell others facts about you or your life that shouldn’t be discussed because they were personal information.

Scapegoat
Maybe you have gone through a hurtful relationship or been harmed in some other way. Because you cannot reach the person who has hurt you, you choose to take it out on others. Any of the above means can be used as well as controlling and manipulative behavior.

These are not part of the biblical prescription for us when we are wronged. God does not expect us to complete this hard task of forgiveness without His help. He is willing to enable us to forgive and then heal the hurt that the wound has caused; but our trust in His power is essential for this to happen. If we keep rehearsing, ignoring, remarking, or scapegoating about the “crime” committed against us, we cannot heal because it is like re-inflicting the wound all over again.

You go to the doctor to stay well and to get better when you are not. But if you have a mindset against doing what the doctor tells you, how will you recover? The same is true when we are wronged. If we want to have peace from the hurt that was caused, we will do what is necessary to make that happen. If you do not want to have peace in your life from this harm, then you will carry it around and hurt yourself and others—even those whom you love.

Remember, you are not alone in the forgiving process, but you must sincerely ask for God’s help, and then be willing to follow His prescription.

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