Healthy Living

---

"Life is a quest and love a quarrel", says Edna St. Vincent Millay, a playwright and first woman Pulizter Prize for Poetry winner. How true this can be! Love is a battlefield that can be visualized as fighting, war, or conflict; a danger zone that is to be avoided. Often times, a relationship turns from a comfort zone to a danger zone where conflict and fighting seem to persist, and a ceasefire is no where in sight. In a war when a ceasefire is called, opponents will either prepare to negotiate or enter a truce.

Perhaps you are in a relationship where a ceasefire needs to be called. This could be a relationship that you have with a spouse, a significant other, a relative, a child, an in-law, or perhaps a friend. You are in a war zone, not a love zone.

Although love is a short sweet four letter word, it comes with great perplexity. Love can bring one into a state of euphoria or inexpressible emotion but, for many it can bring confusion. Love is a fundamental part of our lives and relationships. It is believed that a vital human need is to be loved.

You can have faith to move mountains and you can feed the poor, but if you do not have love, you are nothing. It profits you nothing to do magnificent works without love. Some of the most important characteristics one could possess are faith, hope, and love; but the greatest of these is love (1Corinthians 13:13, KJV).

Although there are thousands of books, articles, and resources on the subject of love, it still remains to be an area of struggle for many. Why is that? Perhaps it is the lack of understanding of what love means. A true revelation of what "love" really means will cause you to avoid the battlefield.

First, understand that love is not a feeling as many have come to believe. Love is a choice, a decision, and is unconditionally given regardless of how you feel. You are not always going to feel like loving that person in your life, whether it is your husband, your child, or a relative. They may do or say something that has really hurt you, and you might find it hard to feel love towards them.

As difficult as it is, you must choose to walk in love. It is not easy to love the unlovely (someone who mistreated you). If you love those who love you, what quality of credit and thanks is that to you (Luke 6:32, AMP). But the truth is, when you choose to walk in love and not in a battle, you are releasing the power within that allows you to love that person, regardless of what they've done. Love can not fail. (1 Corinthians 13:8, KJV)

If you are in a relationship with someone who physically and emotionally abuses you and you say, "But, I love that person", that would not be wise. You may love that person, but you do not have to be in that relationship and allow them to continue hurting you. That is not love - that is foolishness.

In the Five Love Languages, Dr. Gary Chapman says,

"Child psychologists affirm that every child has certain basic emotional needs that must be met if he is to be emotionally stable. Among those emotional needs, none is more basic than the need for love and affection, the need to sense that he or she belongs and is wanted. With an adequate supply of affection, the child will likely develop into a responsible adult. Without love, he or she will be emotionally retarded....inside every child is an emotional tank waiting to be filled with love. Much of misbehavior in children is motivated by the cravings of an empty "love tank."

It is no wonder children join gangs in numbers. They are looking for someone to love them, something to belong to. If they are not getting love at home, they will look for it in all the wrong places. The love tank that children have is no different than the love tank that adults have. It needs to be filled and follows the child right into adulthood relationships, thereby providing an opening for a new battleground to deal with. It is easy to love our spouse or significant other in the beginning of the relationship. However, as conflicts arise and negative words are exchanged, the root of bitterness begins to grow in one another's hearts, making walking in love a challenge.

For some couples, it is much easier to end the relationship than to work through the fires. For some friendships, it is simpler to avoid one another and let a cold war begin than to work out the differences. This is most popular amongst couples. Dr. Laura Berman, PhD, says that couples must "fight to love, not to win and that their relationship is not a battleground but a safe haven."

Make love a choice. Walk in love and not in a battle. Don't allow your relationships to be a battlefield, but a sanctuary, a place of refuge. A place where love never fails!

"Love is a choice you make from moment to moment." ~ Barbara De Angelis

Sources: The Five Love Languages; Gary Chapman,
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/21980372/

---

PLEASE ENCOURAGE AUTHOR BELOW LEAVE COMMENT ON ARTICLE