Bible Studies

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And the Lord's anger
was kindled against Israel,
and He made them
wander in the wilderness
forty years............
[Numbers 32:13]
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"Lord, I have a QUESTION."

[INFINITE PATIENCE.]
"Yes, My precious one."

"Uh, oh.
What did I do, NOW?"

[CHUCKLE.]

"Anyhow, I didn't
have a very positive
experience at that church,
last night."

"I know, My beloved."

"Oy.
That doesn't sound good.
I must'a done SOMETHIN'."

[SMILE.]
"Tell Me, child."

"Well. I don't wanna'
sound negative, Lord."

"Never, Mein kinder."

(laugh!)
"Anyhow.......what's with these
BIG CHURCHES of Yours,
Lord? I don't UNDERSTAND!"

"Understand what, My child?"

"About Your CHURCHES!
THEY'RE HUGE!
HUGE!
How COME?"

"Tell Me, little one."

"Lord, please;
I ain't so LITTLE.
(smile)
Anyhow, I had a minor
panic attack in there,
last night."

"I know, Mein Kinder."

"Is that all You can SAY?
Can't you be more HELPFUL??"

"I am with you, child,
wherever you go."

"Well, where the HECK
were You, last NIGHT?"

"Beside you, child."

"Yeah? Well, how come
'Ya couldn't figure out
where WE were GOIN'?"

[CHUCKLE.]

"Seriously, Lord, if Y'ur
gonna' be LEADING
me to Christ....."

"Go on."

"The least You could do,
is point me in the RIGHT
DIRECTION!"

"Did you find your way,
My precious?"

"Well, yes.......and, no.
The church isn't far from
my house, but since they've
ENLARGED it, the entrances
have all been changed! I had
to drive around the access
road TWICE, just to get
inside! It was dark, and
raining, and I was not a
happy camper. I hadn't
been camping since
Camp Indian Run, back
in northern Pennsylvania, and at
least THOSE guys had
roasted marshmellows
for me!"

[SOLEMN and
SYMPATHETIC NOD.]

"Then, once I got inside
(With no thanks to YOU, Lord!)
I became a plump, Jewish,
and skittish, mouse in betwix this
Monster-Maze of corridors,
and classrooms. The church
had been enlarged......and, more
enlarged, since the last time
I had taken a class there.
Oy! Can't Your churches
just STAY THE SAME,
Lord? SYNAGOGUES
never get BIGGER! WELL?"

[SMILE.]
"Yes, they do, child."

"Uh uh, Lord; and,
I've been to synagogues
all over."

"All OVER, child?"

"Well, You know what I
mean. Anyhow, everytime
I asked somebody where
the Ephesians room was,
they pointed me in the
opposite direction of the
last person. The lady at
the circular desk was
compassionate; I wished
she could have taken out
a microphone, and called
(like they do at Walmart
when a little kid is lost);

'Attention!
Attention!
We have a lost Jewish
lady here, looking for
the Ephesians class!
Would somebody please
come and GET her?
She's plump, wearing
a bright red sweater,
carrying a red purse,
and is mumbling to
herself in Yiddish.
You can't miss her!'

[LAUGH!]

"So, Lord?
What am I gonna' do
about these MEGAchurches,
of Yours? Is that what
it's going to be like, up
in HEAVEN? How am I
gonn'a be able to figure
out where I'm GOIN'?
I'll find myself utterly
LOST!"

[PATIENT NOD.
SMILE.]
"Don't worry, My precious.
I have already found you."
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So the men started on their way;
and Joshua charged those
who went to write
the description of the land,
saying:
Go up and down and
write a description
of the land,
and come back to me;
and I will cast lots
for you
here before the Lord
in Shiloh.
[Joshua 18:8]

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