Healthy Living

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Then Moses led Israel
onward from the Rea Sea,
and they went into the
wilderness of Shur.....
and found no water.
[Exodus 15:22]
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"Lord?"

"Yes, My beloved."

"You didn't have iced tea in Your
day, did You?"

[PATIENT SILENCE.]

"Uh, uh.
I don't think so.
I think iced tea was an invention
of the Texans......maybe, back
in the 1700's."

"Earlier, child."

"Nuh uh, Lord!
You're WRONG!
(thoughtful silence)
Oh.
You mean about CHINA?
Yeah.....I guess so.
But, the Texans really
got a'hold of the whole thing,
Lord; 'Ya know: what with
stickin' it out on the doorstep,
and letting it brew out in the sun.
Where would we be, without TEXAS?"

[SOLEMN NOD.]

"So.....eh, what should I do
with this green tea, I bought,
Lord? I don't like it, at ALL."

"Why did you buy it, My precious?"

"Eh.....'cuz, You know, Lord;
it's supposed to be BETTER,
and more healthy for you.
And, I think it's supposed to
make you more peaceful."

"Has it done so, My child?"

"No WAY, Lord!
It's actually done the OPPOSITE!
I'm LESS peaceful!
I'm thinkin' to myself,
'Why did I waste my money on
this stuff?'
and, things like that."

[PATIENT NOD.]

"I think it's supposed to
also make you live longer, Lord."

[VERY PATIENT NOD.]

"Yeah, but that propaganda
doesn't really work with me,
since I don't want
to live that long, anyway."

"So you've told Me, My beloved."

"I was just bein' HONEST with You,
Lord. I mean, after a half century,
you've seen all the good TV shows
you're gonna' see.
(very thoughtful silence)
'Ya know what I MEAN?"

[VERY SOLEMN NOD.]

"And, like, how many politicians
how I seen come n'GO? After
a while, it's all yada yada yada
anyway. And, they still got
all my TAXES."

"So be it, child."

"Yeah, well that's easy for YOU
to say. Aren't You just a SPIRIT?
YOU don't have any
tax forms to fill out!"

[INIFINITELY PATIENT SILENCE.]
"What was your New Year's
resolution, My Precious?"

"HUH?
Oh.
Uh, to keep my EYES on YOU?"

[PATIENT NOD.]

"Well, I AM, LORD!
But, like I told 'Ya,
that doesn't keep me
from kvetching!"

"Who AM I, child?"

"Eh......the One Who
doesn't have to pay any TAXES?"

[OMINOUS SILENCE.]

"Ah, You know I'm just teasing,
Lord. I know You have a really
good sense 'a HUMOR!"

[NOD.]
"Sometimes, My child.
Sometimes, I do."

"Eh, yeah.
(hopeful silence)
Well......anyway, about
the green tea; what should I
DO with it?"

"Drink water."

"But, I don't LIKE water, Lord!
YOU know that!"

"LEARN to like it, child."

"Uh, uh.
I think it's gotta' do with
bein' raised in Philly.
Back in my day,
we didn't have any bottled
water to fall back on.
It was Philadelphia water,
or nothin.'
So, I chose soda."

"Try it again, My beloved."

"What: living in PHILLY?
Neah; I like Texas, better.
It's cheaper to live here,
and there ain't all that cold
miserable'ness to contend with.
Plus, Texas made the first
founders of iced tea."

[LAUGH.]
"No, child: I'm referring
to your drinking more water."

"Lord.... 'Ya know what I
don't like about You, SOMETIMES?
You're too JUDGMENTAL!"

"That is all the time, My precious.
All the time."
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When they came to Marah,
they could not drink the water
of Marah because it was bitter.....
And the people murmured
against Moses, saying,
What shall we drink?
......and the Lord
showed him a tree,
and he threw it into the water,
and the water became sweet.
[Exodus 15:23-25]

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