Gospel

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[Author's note: If Jewish humor
isn't your cup'a tea, just skip
this one. I'll understand.]

[P.S. 'Matzo ball' soup is
very delicious; it's made of
chicken broth, ground meal
cakes, and not for the faint-
diet-hearted. 'Kibbitz'
is to gossip: talk too much.
'Kvetch' is to complain a lot.
'To schleppe' is to walk around
endlessly, and get very tired.]

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........Jesus took with Him
Peter and James and
John his brother,
and led them up a high mountain......
...........And behold, there appeared
to them Moses and Elijah,
talking wiith Him.
[Matthew 17:1-3]
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Peter, James and John are
sitting on the mountain grass.
It's cooler up here, though
the grass is a little damp
from a recent Cloud drizzle.
John is eating a fig cake he
brought with him in his pocket.
Peter's not hungry; he's too
amazed at what he's seeing.
And, James WOULD be sharing
some of his brother's fig cake,
but he doesn't like figs. Plus,
he's always thought all his brother's
cakes taste like dried cow dung.
They'll all tryin' to listen in on the
conversation taking place,
in front of them. Nobody can
hear what Elijah'a sayin';
all he does is mumble. The
other problem is that
Moses, having the same
personality of his earth days,
is doing all the talking, kibbitzing,
and kvetching.
______________________________

"Hey, LORD?"

[PATIENT SMILE.]
"Yes, Moses?"

"Who are those 3 guys STARIN'
at me?"

[ANOTHER PATIENT SMILE.]
"They're My disciples,
My child."

"What's THAT: like,
Your servants, or somethin'?"

[VERY PATIENT NOD.]
"Something like that, Moses."

"Hmph. That guy eatin' the
fig cake looks like he's eaten
a FEW of ' um'!"

[PATIENT FROWN.]
"Alright, child. Calm down.
Let's not START....."

"I was j'est SAYIN'.....!"

{Elijah mumbles.}
"You heard the Lord, Moses.
QUIT it. We got a special
treat, today. You're supposed
to be on your BEST behavior."

"Hey, MatzoBall, I wad'n't
TALKIN' to YOU!"

{Elijah mumbles back}
"Hey, MOSES! Aren't
'ya supposed to be, like,
a ROLE model, for the
Lord's eh, di....di....dischlepples?"

[PATIENT SIGH.]
"Disciples, children.
DISCIPLES. Now, there's
a reason why I brought you
here, today...."

"Hey, LORD? Where d'Ya
get those crummy SANDALS?
I could've gotten 'Ya
a better deal. I can't
BELIEVE it! They look
like they're fallin'
APART!"

[PATIENT NOD.]
"They're from a very good
marketplace in Jerusalem,
My child."

"Yeah, Lord?
Well.......too BAD!
Is that the best You could GET?
Just look at my EGYPTIAN
sandals! They don't MAKE 'um
like this, anymore!"

[MORE PATIENT NODDING.]
"Yes, My beloved."

{Elijah mumbles.}
"Hey, MOSES! Don't kvetch
about the Lord's sandals, like THAT."

"Listen, MatzoBall, the only
reason that YOU'RE here,
is because the Lord knows
the two of us are good FRIENDS,
so just CLAMMER 'up!"

[SECOND PATIENT SIGH.]
"Alright, My children.
Now, our discussion needs to be...."

"Hey, LORD? Can we all si'DOWN?
My feet're gettin' TIRED. I'm
not used to this hard GROUND,
anymore. Plus, I thought You
were gonna' do somethin' about
my flat FEET......."

{Elijah mumbles.}
"Remember what the Lord SAID,
Moses? 'Ya ain't gonna' get
y'ur good arches, till all y'ur
people come OVER to Him!"

(Moses turns to blow a
raspberry at his friend, Elijah.)
"Aw! Come on, LORD!
That's gonna' be YEARS!
Come ON, that's not FAIR!
You SAID!"

[PATIENT NOD AND SMILE.]
"We'll see, child.
We'll see.
[PATIENT SHAKE OF THE HEAD.]
I think it's time for for you two
to go back Home, now."

"AW! Come ON, Lord!
We were j'est startin' to
have FUN!"

{Elijah mumbles.}
"SEE, Moses? See what'cha
DID? Now, it's ALL Y'UR
fault!"

(Moses leans over toward his
friend, and blows an even
bigger raspberry.)

[A SECOND PATIENT SHAKE
OF THE HEAD.]
"That's IT, My children.
It's time for you to go Home."

______________________
Peter and James just look
at one another, frowning in
deep perplexity, and astonishment.
John leans back on the damp
grass, not caring that his robe
is getting all grassy-stained,
and takes another fig cake
out of his pocket.
The end.....?
******************************
....Peter said to Jesus,
Lord, it is well that we are here;
if You wish, I will make three
booths here,
one for You and
one for Moses and one for Elijah.
He was still speaking,
when lo,
a bright Cloud overshadowed them.....
[Matthew 17:4-5]

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