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Sea of Black
Angela M. Baker-Bridge
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Sitting in a sea of black, I hear sniffles round about me.
Where has my grandson’s smile gone?
Too young to understand, old enough to sense something is wrong.
Mother looks dreadful, distant, an unrecognizable shell of herself.
Painstakingly, words have shifted to the past tense… “He was, he loved, and he would.”
They act as if you no longer exist! It’s disrespectful in your presence, and in ours.
“Thank God,” they say, “you will always have your memories.”
I want to exchange my memories for a future with you instead.
Strangers embrace me, “At least you know he’s with the Lord.”
My sisters and brother force twisted smiles while trying to receive such condolences.
Their trembling hands tell me they too are weary of words.
How will knowing where you are help us get through life without you?
Multiple testimonies and tributes explain your selfless works.
You set a Godly example, a friend to all, a true pillar in the church.
Our home’s foundation is no longer solid, our pillar taken.
What I touch, caress, and kiss is cold, a mere form that resembles you.
I’m so confused Daddy. Where are you? Others die, but not you!
When from this nightmare I awaken, will you awaken too?
My soul mourns.
God, you said you heal the broken hearts of those that mourn.*
I fear I no longer have a heart, I feel void.
Pastor said it takes time, but what if, I don’t live that long?
Then God would be a liar, and Daddy a fool to have lived his life following Him.
Help me Lord, to endure this time of mourning, to be comforted in YOUR Word, to love again.
Somehow, let my father know how much I miss him… we all do, and always will.
*… I will turn their mourning into gladness; I will give them comfort and joy instead of sorrow. Jeremiah 31:13 (NIV)
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