Christian Living

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Honest Look in a Mirror

James 1:23-25 "For if anyone is a hearer of the word and not a doer, he is like a man who looks at his natural face in a mirror; for once he has looked at himself and gone away, he has immediately forgotten what kind of person he was. But one who looks intently at the perfect law, the law of liberty, and abides by it, not having become a forgetful hearer but an effectual doer, this man will be blessed in what he does."

This very morning, I found myself taking a deep breath, exhaling slowly and begging my heart to slow its pace. It may not seem like a great feat for some people to leave themselves vulnerable to others. But for me, it was like pulling teeth without anything to deaden the pain. And all I was really doing was taking an honest look in the mirror and sharing with another what I saw there.

When we look intently at the perfect law, what we should find is a way of life that is actually quite simple, a law in which all other laws rest: That we love God with all our hearts, our minds, and our souls, and that we love our neighbor AS WE LOVE OURSELVES.

That was the question I had to ask...... Is this person I see in the mirror someone whom I could know and love? I love so many people. My heart overflows with compassion. I even love people in general. But do I love them as I love myself?

There is great divide between two different kinds of people -- those who love others more than they love themselves and those who love themselves more than they love other people. I think I’ve always fit into that first category. And then there’s the happy, healthy medium -- those who love others as they love themselves. The only problem with the latter is that those particular people are limited in their love for others when they are limited in self love.

I looked closely at who I saw looking back at me. Pretty girl. Dark hair. Green eyes. Angel kisses on my nose. Twinkle in my eye. And then there they were, those awfully deep frown wrinkles between my brows, scars left from a faded yesterday. I rejoice in those scars. They remind me that I’m a survivor, more than a conqueror. And that’s just physical features. What I really wanted to know is WHO is this person inside my body? It’s hard to share your heart with another if you don’t know what’s in there in the first place.

The answers surprised me. And who knows me better than I do? Well, God does. He’s the One who searches my heart, sometimes with a graceful and easy touch, sometimes with a rod and staff, sometimes with fire to burn away all the dross that tends to breed in a heart’s dark corners. Maybe He was just opening a door for me, a door for me to look in the mirror and not forget again who I saw, someone who lives according to the law of liberty, which is Christ, and abides in that law.

There behind that unique face, I found a unique individual, someone sweet and kind and gentle. But it was also someone hiding behind forty-one years of the idea that it’s not okay to be me. It’s not okay to be vulnerable. It’s not okay to be transparent. It’s not okay to need. And then came the kicker -- "I need." Two simple words that jam themselves in my throat and threaten to choke the life out of me.

I take comfort in knowing that I have a Father who knows my needs much better than I do. I take even more comfort in knowing that He promises me provision. His name is Jehovah Jireh, my Provider, my Need Filler. And I trust Him with all my heart, sort of like the way I love Him.

It was hard to do, to be me for a minute. But I discovered something I didn’t know before. All those things I didn’t like about me are the very things I love so much in others -- the willingness to be transparent and vulnerable, the silent acknowledgement that says “I trust you. And if you can’t appreciate me despite my needs, that’s okay. I’m okay with it.” It just makes me love those kinds of people all the more.

I trembled a little in the aftermath of the growth. But with another deep breath, exhale, my heart slowed in contentment at the knowledge that I can love my neighbor as myself and it’s quite a lot. It’s okay to be me. What a wonderful revelation to begin a brand new day. And though those scars from my faded yesterday may remain in the form of frown wrinkles between my brows, and perhaps even deepen over time, I took an honest look. And I won’t walk away soon forgetting who I saw.

Sure, I'll have to come back on occasion, listen to my own pen. I'm not perfect. I'm just as human and stuck in this flesh as the next person. But I'm okay just being me.

God, bless me in what I do. Bless my pen. Bless my heart as I love my neighbors. Bless me just because I’m me. And while Your at it, please bless my friends who are so vulnerable and trusting of me. They’re extraordinarily beautiful people, gems cut from the Rock. And bless those who can’t possibly know what it’s like to struggle with their own identity, for even they have needs. In Jesus Name, amen.
© Joyce Pool

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