Bible Studies

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.....hear what I say to you,
be not rebellious like that
rebellious house;
open your mouth,
and eat what I give you!
[Ezekiel 2:8]
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(Ezekiel is standing with his
plump hands on his hips,
and peering, rather near-sightedly,
at the Scroll of paper.)

"What IS that, Lord?"

"Are you MY prophet, Ezekiel?"

"Well. Yeah; I guess.
Hey, what IS that stuff, Lord?
Why don't 'Ya bring your servant
a big side 'a beef, or a juicy
piece 'a fish, like other masters?"

"I am not other masters,
My obedient servant."

"Well.....maybe, You should
think about it."

[RUMBLE]

" What IS that stuff, Lord?
Am I lookin' kinda' PLUMP,
or sometin'? Is that why
'Ya want me to
eat a bunch 'a PAPER?"

"No, My wise and comely servant."

"COMELY, Lord?
I don't know about THAT, Lord.
I never really thought 'a myself as
uh....You know, the GOOD-lookin' type."

[SMILE.]

"So, what is that thing, anyhow?
Eh......maybe, You should give
that to somebody else, Lord.
My stomach ain't what it
USED to be."

[NOD.]

"'Ya know how I wake up in the
middle of the night, belching
burping. My wife sits up,
and smacks me upside the head."

[SYMPATHETIC NOD.]

"All I gotta' do is chomp down
one 'a my wife's mother's
fig cakes, and.....well....
I'm about done for the night."

"I know, My prophet.
You are a brave soul."

"Heck, NO, Lord!
Not ME!
Nuh, uh!
You must be thinkin' bout
somebody ELSE!"

"No. I am not,
O'mighty Ezekiel."

"Are You talkin' to ME, Lord?
(turns and looks around)
Remember ME?
I'm the one who turned
tail and RAN, after that
little guy tossed a PEBBLE
my way! 'MEMBER?
That was right after I
delivered one 'a
Your gloomy-doomy
speeches. Don't 'Ya
remember, Lord?"

[NOD.]
"I know exactly
who you are, beloved Ezekiel."

"I don't think so, Lord."

[SMILE]
"Who made you,
My wise and mighty prophet?"

"YOU?"

[NOD.]

"Well......couldn't 'Ya
at least smush some
BERRIES on it, Lord?"

[PATIENT SILENCE.]

"You know how easily I gag."

[NOD.]

"Remember that time
my neighbor, Nitshkah,
tried to pull my bad tooth?"

[NOD.]

"I just about tossed my
morning grapes
all over him."

[NOD.]
"This is different,
My courageous Ezekiel."

"I think 'Ya
got'a sort'a over-inflated
opinion 'a me, Lord.
I never thought I was,
uh, the right man for
this job, to start with."

"Who should I have chosen,
My courageous Ezekiel?

"Eh.....well, "Ya know, there's
my cousin Schlamekel; he's
got nothin' to do all day but
gripe - what with those 8
brawney, tow-headed boys
of his doing all the goat
herding, and that shreiky
wife of his, Berthalia,
cooking all day with her
mother, Zertkah, and
her 2 kibbitzing
sisters, Matztkel and
Bahshrep.

[NOD.]
"Schlamekel is a good man.
But, he has a fear of public
speaking - unlike you, My prophet
Ezekiel. And, I would not wish
take him away from his
favorite pasttime: sleeping
under the myrtle trees over
the hill."

"Well, that's true, Lord.
I wouldn't want to take
Schlamekel away from his
favorite spot, and that big
scruffy dog of his, Schmata."

[NOD.]

"Okay, Lord. I'll eat this
....eh, piece 'a paper You
got for me. But, could I
ask just one favor?"

"What is that, My fearless
and valiant prophet?"

"Could You at least schmere
just a bit of that stuff from
the bees on it, first?
It might make a little easier
to swallow."

[NOD.]
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And when I looked,
behold, a hand
was stretched out to me,
and, lo, a written scroll
was in it; and He spread it
before me; ...... it had writing
on the front...and....back...
and there were written on
it words of lamentation and
mourning and woe.
And He said to me.....
eat what is offered to you;
eat this scroll and go;
speak to the House of Israel.
So, I opened my mouth,
and He gave me the scroll to eat.
And He said to me...eat this
scroll that I give you
and fill your stomach with it.
Then I ate it;
and it was in my mouth as
sweet as honey.
[Ezekiel 2:9-10
Ezekiel 3:1-3]

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