Women

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As I explained in the last article, my dating history is a total disaster. I continued to enter into bad relationships the way a crazy person repeatedly bangs their head against a wall. And consequently, I reaped the harvest of those bad decisions: a broken heart and a damaged self-esteem. Yet as I reflected on my seemingly sadistic track record, I realized that a big problem was the guys I was choosing. The actions of these men, whom I labeled as “false teachers,” had taught me lies about myself, lies that are in clear conflict with Scripture.

However, the issue is not that black and white. Although I have consistently put up with guys who treat me poorly, it would be blatantly unfair to place all the blame on men. The truth of the matter is that I chose to date them, and I chose to believe the lies. So as much as I’d like to think so, I was not merely a victim.

Girls never grow tired of venting to one another about how frustrating and confusing boys can be, but in reality, the way we feel about ourselves is ultimately our choice. No matter how a guy treats you, the level of your own self-esteem is determined by you alone. Practically speaking, this means the pity party is over.

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve sat on my couch with a stick of cookie dough in one hand and Ben and Jerry’s in the other, wallowing in my own regret. I would bitterly think to myself, “If only he had treated me as well as I treated him. He doesn’t know how good he had it! How could he possibly treat me with so little respect?” But this is not the response we are called to have. False teachers may teach bad doctrine, but we are equally culpable for believing it. That is why Paul writes to the Galatians: “Evidently some people are throwing you into confusion and are trying to pervert the gospel of Christ.” Then he exclaims with surprising harshness, “You foolish Galatians! Who has bewitched you?” You see, the Galatians were being taught false doctrine, but they were also at fault for actually believing it.

Ladies, we are not let off the hook just because a guy treats us badly. We cannot determine how people treat us, but we can determine our response. So while God aches when He sees His precious daughters hurting, He nevertheless desires that we respond in a Christ-like manner.

When Christ was faced with the false teachings of Satan, he consistently responded with Scripture. As women, this is a practice that we cannot afford to overlook. Why? Because we are highly emotional creatures, and one of our greatest temptations is to stand on emotion rather than truth. I cannot count the number of times I have let my emotions dominate my actions, whether it was sending a brash e-mail, making premature assumptions, or getting my feelings hurt too easily. Fortunately, the apostle Paul gives us advice on how to avoid such traps. We are to “demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.” (2 Cor. 10:5)

The battle for self-love is a battle waged in the mind. And because Satan is the Father of Lies, we must approach each day on the offensive, immediately identifying any thought that “sets itself up against the knowledge of Christ.” That being said, whenever a boyfriend hurts you, a friend betrays you, or even when those pants fit a little tighter than they used to, examine what you are tempted to believe about yourself at that moment, and ask whether it is based on the truth of Scripture. Then, take those lies captive and replace them with truth.

Women have always struggled to love themselves the way God does, and that is why we are so susceptible to believe the lies of false teachers. However it is imperative that we remember that we are not victims. Scripture teaches women that they are “more than conquerors through him who loved us.”(Rom. 8:37) Whenever someone in your life fails to love you in a way that imitates Christ, remember that it is not the love of Man that makes you whole. It is because of God’s great love for us that we have the power to be more than victims, and that is a reality that transcends all our relationships. Whatever hurt you are facing today, whatever pain is paralyzing your heart, remember that your goal is not survival; your goal is victory. So while the victory has already been achieved by Christ, you must now choose to believe it.

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