Poetry
INTERCESSION
“Does is hurt to be blind?” The little boy asked the old man
“It doesn’t hurt at all” he replied while reaching for his hand
“Do people make fun of you?” The little boy continued on to say
“Oh, someone says something hurtful almost everyday”
“People hurt me too” the little boy sadly replied
“People just don’t understand” the old man said while the little boy started to cry
The old man while touching the little boy’s face soon learned
That skin once so smooth and pure had somehow been badly burned
“People, who do that, the old man said softly, don’t understand grace
They don’t know that someone died and took their place
All they see is the outward and judge according to what they see
They don’t know that He came to set the captives free
The little boy smiled and then leaned over to inquire
“How did you lose your sight?”
The old man responded, “I lost it in a fire”
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Thought your dialogue and placement of your characters was so realistic and strong.
Would love to see it "opened up" a bit. A little more relaxation in the writing. I think then a natural rhythm would come through.
It's on its way to working wonderfully. Spacing it out on the page a bit would be good.
The essence of poetry is, of course, to give the feeling, the meaning of the work, indirectly through the images and words used. Like an impression that connects and remains in the reader.
Imagery could be added for greater effect. I.e. Find a place in the work to use the word 'like' and add a metaphor or image.
We need to make sure our choice of images/metaphors are consistent throughout the piece. At lease similer in context or theme.
Hope this is clearly explained and that you will find something of it useful.
Keep up your very good work. And, full marks, for REALLY seeking feedback, not just positive compliments!
God bless
God Bless,
In Christ,
Dee
"Numbers 6:24,25,26"