Humor

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"She Knows These Roads"
The 100 Most Ridiculous Things I've Ever Heard

I thought it would be fun to take a look back on some of the dumbest things I've heard in my life. These are the first five things that came to my mind. Funny that the first two are about the same person. The same with the next three, involving an ex of mine. The first five also deal with liberals and atheists. Two groups that people often say I deal with unfairly. I guess it might be due to some of these situations that I run into...making me less likely to take them seriously. Anyhow, this is all for fun. Enjoy.

1. An atheist telling me about his belief in karma after telling me why Christianity can not be possible. When I confronted him with the obvious conflict he then proceeded to explain that karma is energy – therefore real. Wonderful I thought. The solution to the world's energy needs. Fill your car up with karma! It's real and it is plentiful, and oh yeah…ozone friendly.

2. "Jesus wouldn't judge" The same atheist as above telling me that Jesus would not judge. Therefore as a follower of Jesus I am not allowed to judge him, his beliefs, or the beliefs of any others.

Three things on this one: Number one, as an atheist your argument should never include Jesus. For if you do not believe in Him, why make Him the foundation of your argument? Number two, say you believe Jesus was only a man and nothing more…still you shouldn't use Jesus as a foundation of your argument because you're displaying an arrogance of suggesting you know more about Jesus than an actual believer of Jesus. This is just a weak argument and faulty logic. And finally number three, everyone judges. You make judgments everyday. And so did Jesus, in fact He is the final judge. That's just ignorance of Jesus and the Bible if you believe Jesus would not judge. Jesus did judge – it is true that he was kind, but he was also direct. True he hung out with sinners. But he told all he found living in sin to turn from their sin and to follow Him. That's what each of the apostles did. Isn't it so nice how non-believers choose to put Jesus into a box? They do not believe and yet they choose to define Him on their own terms.

3. "That's what Bush will get ya."

I heard this one while riding in a car in Rockford, Illinois that had a low tire. We pulled into a gas station to fill the tire up with air. We found that the air compressor cost $.75 to operate. I kid you not the guy I was sitting next to raised his voice and said, "That's what Bush will get ya. Air never used to cost anything. Now look."

Ok…do I really need to get into this one? Is this how far the anti-Bush hysteria has gone? For the sake of argument here, I can say that I remember as long as 10 years ago, if not more, gas stations have been charging for use of air compressors. And I know there's still many that do not. I agree, what a stupid thing we have to pay for. But President Bush is to blame for it? I'm sure he signed this into law, or passed some sort of secret order in the middle of the night, or better yet he specifically called that single gas station in Rockford, Illinois and demanded they charge for air.

Perhaps Michael Moore will do his next "documentary" on the subject?

4. "They have a point."
I was riding in car with my ex girlfriend in Waterloo, Iowa. We came to a stoplight and some war protestors were standing on the corner doing their thing. I said something to the extent that the people were wasting their time. (I'm not a big fan of protests of any kind.) To which she replied, "They have a point."

And that is exactly what?

She went on to say, "I don't know. But they have a point."

Ummmm ok. So do needles and pins. What's the point? War is bad? Sure. Is anything else to their "point"? And she had nothing else and it just proceeded into a stupid argument for 10 minutes after that "point".

Of course I am guessing that most war protestors have the similar point as she did. They really don't know what the point is. But they know they're right, you're wrong, and damn it they have a right to say it…and that's the point.

5. "She knows these roads." Same girl. And back to Rockford, Illinois (shocker). Same weekend as #3.

We were heading back from a bar on the Wisconsin border. It was a snowy night in December. The roads were covered, snow and ice packed. Her friend was driving the car. There were four of us in the car. My ex was sitting up front along with her friend. I started to get a little freaked out about the situation. We had already done a 360 while leaving the bar parking lot. We were now going 60 on a snow covered highway in the middle of nowhere.

I suggested "Hey can we just slow down a bit?"

My ex turned around and said, "She knows these roads."

Huh?! What the heck does that have to do with anything? She might know the road but does she know it's covered in snow and we're doing 60?! I simply shut up, made sure my seatbelt was on, and said a prayer.

About five minutes later we were sitting at the bottom of a 30 foot ditch buried in a snow bank of some field. I was extremely upset and annoyed…but at the same time slightly joyful.

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