Poetry

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Contradiction

When I look at my self I see tragedy and error
Because alone what is outside can never measure up
Feeling like I am not good enough as I always mess up
Looking at some of my deeds and my ways, knowing I don’t deserve such

Feeling like alone I am worth nothing, as though I am just a particle
Insignificant and ordinary, like a grain of sand near the ocean
As I look at others around me, I ask why me, I feel that I don’t deserve this chance
And no matter the achievements/trophies I receive, it will never be enough

I may be stubborn and take pride being set in my ways, but the truth will remain
And the truth is like a catalyst causing a change reaction deep with in
And it tells me things about me that I was never aware off, causing a contradiction
Wondering if I should accept or reject, believe and let love surround me with conviction

But then you whisper into my ears and tell me to change my method of sight
Assuring me that it is me you have chosen, and that you eagerly want to use my life
That it is me you yearn to receive love from, to form a relationship and bond
That to you I am the right candidate, perfect just as I am, and what ever I lack you are there to solve

All your ask is that I open my eyes to your truth, and realize I am priceless
That no matter how many times I fall, I can repent as the cross still bleeds and your grace is in abundance
That your eyes are non judgmental, so I should see my self through them, and I will reach the stars
As deep within I know I have a flame that is alive, the Lamb and Shepard who equips, enables and guides

And it humbles me that you give me a variety of gifts I never had before
That you are able to use someone like me, who was totally lost
Someone like me who carries all these bad traits and flaws, for your glory Lord
And that you are and will use me for things I never imagined ever possible
My present and future pregnant with promise, contradicting my flesh, past and thoughts making them inconsequential

by Rumbidzai Chekeche - March 2007

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