Christian Living

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The Rose Of Tralee February 2007

Husbands Love Your Wives…Ephesians 5:25

I believe it was Shakespeare who wrote of Cupid being blind because true love is concerned with the inner person. The Bard was on to a truth that has been thrown out in our time, what with all the emphasis on me, myself and I. That our generation has made the choice of things over people is an undeniable fact of life in the big city we call Christendom. At least that was the name of the civilization built, loosely to be sure, on the principles of Christ.

As a pastor who has made time for the flock over 45 years, I never cease to be amazed at my ability to anticipate a phrase, “I’m sorry, pastor, but John/Betty no longer does anything for me. He/She just turns me off and I’m sick of this life.”

J. Allen Peterson wrote: “Marriage is an empty box. There is nothing in it…Marriage was never intended to be anything for anybody. People are expected to do something for marriage…Love, romance, consideration, generosity aren’t in marriage, they are in people and people put them into the marriage box.”

I am listening to the Irish Tenors as I write this piece and I am moved by a few of the love songs, especially ‘The Rose of Tralee.’ This timeless song of love written in the 19th century, does not speak of Partonesque body parts, or even Light Brown Hair, but of something far more valuable and enduring. The chorus states, “She was lovely and fair, as the rose of the summer, Yet t’was not her beauty alone that won me. Oh no, t’was the TRUTH in her eye ever dawning, That made me love Mary, the Rose of Tralee.”

The song sings of Inner beauty, of character, of deep inner courage to weather the tides and storms of life and go on and nurture children who would rise up and call her blessed.

A wise man it is who looks for the embodiment of a Proverbs 31 girl to take for a wife, to be the mother of the children God blesses the union with, to dry their tears and to laugh with them over the long, often very hard years. And a girl would do well to choose a man with the courage of a biblically defined man who will love her as Christ loved the church and gave himself for it.

One of the joys of my life has been and is the lovely woman Jesus brought my way, even prior to our conversion. I fell in love with my Joyce just prior to being rescued by Jesus. Joyce and I were saved the same night in a revival meeting. The first time I saw her, I was taken by her aura of purity and like the Rose of Tralee, ‘the truth in her eye ever dawning’ drew me to her. I have cherished her over these years. It was Shakespeare who said, “Love looks not with eyes, but with the mind.” That Joyce, The Great Blonde, has a deep inner life with Jesus is undeniable and this character has served her well through the trials of life that the Lord has sent our way. One of the great regrets of my life is that too many of the trials have been a result of my poor choices. Very few people are as physically attractive at 60 as 16, yet people with inner strength still have an air about them that makes them ever the more beautiful. Yes, the Great Blonde is five years younger than me, but she carries it well enough that to this day I am accused of being a cradle robber!! More than one server has asked, “And what will your daughter have?”

The Pennsylvania Dutch say, “Kissin don’t last, cookin do.” I might add, praying outlasts even cookin and is better for the waistline.

The text for these ramblings on love and marriage, expressly instructs the man to love his wife with the same kind of love Christ has for the church, to as Christ, give himself for her. That this sacrificial love is missing in our society is a major contributor to the soaring divorce rates, with the resulting chaos in the lives of multitudes of children living subnormal lives, even in cases where there is enough money to care for the material things. I grew up in a multi broken home, and I still recall the uncertainty of my childhood. Trying to figure out the traits of the ‘new’ man was a study in human nature and the different manifestations it takes on. Add to this the multiple personalities of a few drunkards with wild mood swings and you have what is now called a ‘stressful environment.’ We kids thought it was hell. Of course kids who face the parade of many and varied women in their life with the many resulting adjustments, become confused due to the conflicting role models, and thus you have the stage set for the current mess in our society.

When the backgrounds of Joyce and I are factored in, it is a miracle of God’s grace that we have loved and lived together in the bliss of marriage for these forty two years. Each year has had its joys and its tears, yet in the joy and in the grief, Jesus has been right with us, to guide and encourage us as we faced things, that as I look back upon, even now I tremble at even the thought.

I recently officiated at the memorial services for my long time friend, Virginia Shaw. She and Jim are members of the church I pastor. Jim and Virgie have been married for over seventy years!! Over the years God prospered this couple with several children and a host of grandchildren and more than usual material blessings. Jim and Virgie personally knew many of the luminaries of the past seventy years. Each February we have ‘Sweetheart Sunday’ at Berean. For years Jim would bring his old fiddle and in later years would lean against a wall because he could no longer stand unaided. He would then sing, to Virgie, “Let Me Call You Sweetheart” and then the congregation would look into the eyes of our love, and join in the song. I tell you I miss the violin playing that passed for virtuoso in the spirit of the morning. Jim and Virgie were held up to our younger folks as the benchmark of wedded bliss. Their kind are passing and they are missed. We now have Britney Spears and such as role models. May God in His mercy help us.

A grand love letter appeared in the PBS saga by Ken Burns, The Civil War. I used it several years ago, and it is so powerful that I use it again to punctuate the theme of this issue. It is from Sullivan Ballou to his beloved wife, Sarah. It will reign in the annals of love as one of the greatest love letters of all time. I am deeply moved to a deeper love for Joyce each time I read it.

“My Dearest Sarah,
The indications are very strong that we shall move in a few days, perhaps tomorrow. Lest I should not be able to write again, I feel impelled to write a few lines that may fall under your eye when I shall be no more.

Sarah, my love for you is deathless; it seems to bind me with mighty cables that nothing but Omnipotence could break; and yet my love of Country comes over me like a strong wind and bears me irresistibly on with all these chains to the battlefield.

The memories of the blissful moments I have spent with you come over me, and I feel most gratified to God and to you that I have enjoyed them so long. And hard it is for me to give them up and burn to ashes the hopes of future years, when, God willing, we might still have lived and loved together and seen our sons grown up to honorable manhood, around us… If I do not return, my dear Sarah, never forget how much I loved you, when my last breath escapes me on the battlefield, it will whisper your name.

If the dead can come back to the earth and flit unseen around those they loved, I shall always be near you; in the gladdest days and in the darkest nights..always, always, and if there be a soft breeze upon your cheek, it shall be my breath, as the cool air fans your throbbing temple; it shall be my spirit passing by. Sarah, do not mourn me dead; think I am gone to wait for thee, for we shall meet again.
Sullivan”

Sullivan Ballou was killed seven days later in the First Battle of Bull Run. Sarah never remarried. Frederick Waterman tells this story on page 81 of “The Great Good-Byes.” LML
Love your wife and be not bitter…...

From Larry Lilly's Journal, February 2007 issue

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