Grief

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Normal demands of life do not break us; the painful surprises do. All people fight different kinds of battles, many of which do not make sense to the fighters. We do not declare a war yet we fight its battle. Bad things happen to us even when we do not need to face no consequences resulting from “reaping what we sow” since we haven’t broken no rules.

When these bad things happen to good people, we begin to wonder why and ask normal human and fundamental questions that have to do with the root of life. Does life make sense at all?

You work so hard and faithfully to keep your relationship, family, business, career or ministry; take very good care of your health and are very shrewd in your finances, yet all fall apart. How do you possibly respond to this undesirable turning point in your life, other than ask questions like: Why me? What have I done wrong? Where is God? Does God really care? ...

No one desires to go through the ‘school of sorrow’ because it seems so meaningless. Yet pains could be a blessing because of its inherent but hidden gains. I understand when you ask “what gain can be there in pains?”

O yes, pains can result into gains. But only you can find it out- no one can do that for you. The only help you can get from me is to let you know how to find the gains from your pains. And that is: “DON’T ALLOW THE STRUGGLE TO ISOLATE OR INSULATE YOU FROM THE POWER OF PAINS.” You may not understand this now until you utilize the advice through your wilderness. It helped me and I believe it will, you.

One of the first steps to take is to change your beliefs, for what you believe will ultimately determine how you behave. Crisis doesn’t make man; it reveals what he’s made of. What he receives from life grossly depends on what life finds in him.

The problem is that we’re made to believe that happiness is the purpose of life. But no, it’s not- it’s only a by-product that should not be ignored. Making it the purpose of life kind of promote selfishness because one’s happiness might turn out to be another’s sorrow. And this won’t conform to the teaching of Christ about loving others like we love ourselves (Mat 23:39)

Now, you may ask: “if happiness isn’t the main goal of a sufferer, what possibly would it be?” To answer this question, I want you to know that the major challenge of a sufferer should not be to explain his suffering but to strive to be the kind of person who can make it work for him even a he’s faced with it. I’m not in doubt that what happens to us is so important, but what’s more important is what happens in us; for the later determines what happens through us.

One popular explanation for the reason for pain is that God is trying to bring about some sort of good. But the truth is that God does not use often deliberately use pain to bring about some kind of pain, instead where there’s pain, God intervene by transforming the situation into His glory and for our gain.

This takes us to the first and an important gain of pain- character. Suffering is one of the tools God uses to reveal what we are made of. What we truly are is character and not reputation. Only God- and we- know this. And since He’s a loving God, who loves to bring the best out of us- for the purpose of service- He would transform our period of suffering into a period of character building. That is why a suffering forerunner said: “…when he has tested me. I will come forth as gold.” (Job 23:10)

The meaning of the Greek word from which suffering is gotten is: “an engraving tool, a die for stamping an image.” Therefore, the only way a fallen man can regain the representation of God- from whose likeness he’s formed- is to allow God to engrave His true image on his character. Suffering, from this Greek meaning, is the only tool that can do this engraftment.

During my season of pains (2002-2004) I learnt that His unfailing Love is one great force that builds character. God can build this beautiful planet by His power alone, but it would take Love to build His people. Only His Love can take “the poison out of pain and the selfishness out of suffering”, as Warren W. Wiersbe wrote. Really, suffering without love is for the accursed.

When we truly experience God’s love in our pains, peace that transcends our understanding will permeate our lives. This newly found peace tells us that hitherto we’ve been outside His will and all things were working against us. But now, through Christ’s resurrection, we’re reconciled to Him and all things- even our pains- begins to work together for our own good.

God’s Love also gives us access to His grace. This was what Job felt he needed, but for the wrong reason- what he wanted God to do and not what God wanted him to do (Job 24:1). A Poet, Eugene Field, wrote: “man is born broken, he lives by mending. The grace of God is glue.” It is this gift (Grace) that we all need to transform our trials into triumphs.

Another gain of pain is Hope. “… And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us…” (Rom 5:2b-5)

The gift of hope is the greatest any sufferer could have. When he has hope, no pain can rob him of his joy. In fact, no sufferer would like to live by explanations but by promise. Trying to explain one’s suffering would in fact worsen the pain. But promises from a source greater in power; wiser in wisdom and that has gone through the experience of pains is like a balm to the wound of pains.

How could the second set of God’s generals, in Hebrews 11: 36-39, go through such pains if not because of their hope in a better tomorrow- even though they never experience it on earth. Joseph didn’t try to know the why of his sale into slavery and unfair imprisonment. But because he had seen a glimpse of what his tomorrow would be like, he endured and even served faithfully before and during his imprisonment. When it was all over, he was able to find out the why: “… you intended to harm me, but God intended it for good, to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of lives.”

What about the reason for our hope- Jesus? He was a man of sorrow, while on earth. It wasn’t a easy task for Him, yet He went through poverty, betrayal, prejudice, abandonment, and all kinds of pains that man could ever go through in life. He endured all this because there was a glory awaiting Him. He knew that if an Author and Perfecta of faith- genuine faith- doesn’t go through such pains, His subjects an disciples would not have the power to go through their own pains successfully, like Him (see Heb 12:2-3)

What can a sufferer do without hope? Yet hope doesn’t come easily except by faith. When we hope, three things happen within us: desire, belief and doubt. Because a sufferer can only live by promises, to be a successful sufferer, he can’t but DESIRE a better condition of life and also BELIEVE that the better life he desires is possible.

But while desiring and believing, another force tends to overcome him. This force is no other than DOUBT. Let’s be honest with ourselves, often than not we fear that what we hope for is not possible. This is practical of all men, especially the sufferers. This makes us feel that our hope is too risky to rely upon. Yet hope is the only true force available to sufferers to help them transform their pains into gains.

Christian hope- the only true hope available to humanity- builds on possibilities, even though it is not inevitable. It’s a gift of certainty that that which God has promised, he’ll most assuredly do.

The real reason sufferers live in despair is because they suffer without hope. The reason I don’t totally approve of the maxim “where there is life, there’s hope” is that hope can only operate where there is faith- not life. A man living in pains is prone to living in despair, unless he lives by faith. Without a Christian kind of faith, Christian hope cannot flourish. Hope is not a distant prospect but an ever-present power. And this power can’t be available where there’s no faith. “Hope is never ill when faith is well”, wrote John Bunyan.

So for a sufferer to truly live by promises is to have a Christian kind of hope. And to successfully operate in this kind of hope is to go on desiring and believing even when doubt comes.

The last, and the very most important thing, pain could do is Glory. God wants to turn the pain into what will glorify Him- only Him. As we’ve seen earlier, when we suffer, we often desire an explanation of the cause from God, but in actual sense, He doesn’t owe us any explanation; it’s we who owe Him our total love and trust.

God isn’t- we also shouldn’t be- interested in the cause as He is in our response to our pains. That is why He didn’t give Job the answers he requested; instead He started His 129 verses (Job 38-41) with “ Who is this that darkens my counsel with words without knowledge?” (38:2). It is our response not reaction that brings glory to God. When the apostle Paul’s thorn in the flesh was not taken away through his prayers (3 times), he surrendered it to Jesus… through this he brought glory to Jesus (2Cor 12:9-10)

Fanny J. Crosby, who was blinded at the age of 6weeks, because of a doctor’s mistake, wrote this poem- her first- at the age of 8years:

O, what a happy soul am I!
Although I can’t see,
I am resolved that in this world
Contended I will be.
How many blessings I enjoy
That other people don’t?
So weep and sigh because I’m blind,
I cannot, and I won’t.

Suffering can make us so selfish, if we allowed it be our master, in that we tend to focus mostly on our own problems- which I do not underestimate, anyway. But when a sufferer, like Fanny J. Crosby, allow God’s providential power permeate his life, he’ll begin to see that he is MAN (Made And Needed)

I also read about a handicap that saw the helplessness of others in the same condition as he, and went ahead to invent a machine to aid the suffering of the other handicaps.

Conclusively, when we make suffering our servant, until then can we allow it do what it can intrinsically do. The only way to heal our own scars is to look outward, in our quest for meaning.

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