Christian Living
Larry Lilly's Letter Monday November 13, 2006
Today I want to spend a bit of the space on an aspect of friendship that is often overlooked or intentionally avoided.
One of the character tests that wise people ask is about friendships, such questions as:
How many good friends do you have, or at least think you have?
How long have you been friends with this person or persons?
What dangers has the friendship been exposed to?
For instance, has your friend ever been involved in behavior that was humiliating to you?
Have you ever been involved in behavior humiliating to them?
Has this friend ever hurt your feelings?
Have you ever hurt their feelings?
Why?
Your answer to these questions will reveal more about you than it will about your friends!
In his fabulous autobiography, "Wins, Losses, And Lessons" Lou Holtz tells of one of his first games as a head coach. The game was against his friend Bobby Bowden's team, the Mountaineers of West Virginia. Bowden's team really put it on William and Mary, leaving the starting players in far after the game was decided. After the game Lou went up to his friend Coach Bowden and said, "Bobby, Why did you do that? We're friends." Coach Bowden replied, "It's your job to keep the score down, not mine. If you don't like the score, either recruit harder or coach better. I've got to coach my team, and you've got to coach yours. You can only coach one team."
Holtz admits Bobby was right and they are friends to this day, some 37 years later.
A friendship that cannot stand the test of 'straight in the eye truth,' is not a friendship at all, but some sort of dependent relationship that is more like a sob story on a TV soap opera.
Solomon wrote:
"It is better to hear the rebuke of the wise, than for a man to hear the song of fools." Ecclesiastes 7:5
It may help for you to remember that Coach Holtz was prepared for coaching under the tutelage of the warm, fuzzy Teddy Bear, Woody Hayes at Ohio State.
I pray that I will have the courage to tell my friends the truth, even when it hurts, for to do otherwise is to rob them of facing things as they are and making the necessary changes to make 'things as they oughta be.'
Larry Lilly Copyright © 2006 Use with credit.
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I see sin in the lives of others, and if I'm as I should be, I see it in them because I've first seen it in myself which lends itself to compassion and protects us from self righteousness. Be that as it may, just because I see something amiss does not mean that I am to be the one to say anything at all or it is conceivable that I may in fact be the one to address it, but NOT YET.....it's about hearing Him much more than it is about "seeing them". I have friends that have waited for over a year when they were grieving for me because of the things I was doing. Not until they were told clearly to speak, did they say a word. Does this make them something other than a friend? I have no argument with your article and I have only said this because; like Peter, we are too quick to unsheath the sword. Peter was, in all likelihood not defending Jesus, but more than likely his action was selfish: "If they take Jesus, what will happen to me now?" I've seen more ears laying on sanctuary carpet because some saint thought it time to confront due to a skewed perspective of what Jesus really intends to do. But, the reality is, when I've too have done such things all I really did was "cut off their ear" so that anything I had to say of importance fell on an ear that I deafened with the sword. There, another facet of a dreadfully wonderfully topic.....now, because I have said this: am I still your friend?