Faith

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God, I don't think I can do this. Really. I'm not joking. I'm just not strong enough.

You can do this. You must do this. I will be your strength.

I didn't know how badly it would hurt. I didn't know that the fear would overtake me so much.

Love sometimes hurts. You need never fear, for I am standing guard.

I just don't understand. Did I love him too much? Not enough? Is all this because I couldn't give him everything he wanted?

You loved him enough. You gave him enough. I picked you to be his mother. I knew where I was placing him.

I feel like such a failure. I want to run away.
I want to run away from him, from everyone. I want to run away from myself most of all.

You cannot fail if I go with you. And I do. Go ahead and run away. I'll run with you. Where you go, I go with you.

Where would I go?

Where do you want to go?

I want to go home. I want to be at home. I want someone else to clean up all the mess. I want someone else to do the worrying. I want someone to go with my son. I can't go with him. I think my heart might really just split in two at any moment.

Your heart is safe, child. Look around you. What do you see?

Right now I can't see anything but You.

Exactly. Me. Do you not see that you are already home? Your heart is at home. Run all you want but I'm running with you.

Was I wrong to send him away?

No. He made his choice. I know it is hard, but as you told him--it is now sink or swim. You want him to swim. I want him to swim. He may need to sink a little bit more before he swims, but I am with him. You asked me to watch over him and I am. He won't go far, or for too terribly long. Can you see into the future?

No. I wish I could.

You don't really wish that, do you? No matter, I know the future. You must trust me, not only with yourself, but also with those I have placed within your life.

I do trust you.

Then trust this. The pain you feel, indeed, the pain your son is feeling at this point in time, will soon be past. If you do not step aside and let the situation play itself out, are you prepared to deal with what comes next? Knowing that you may be setting the stage for an even worse scenario? I am asking you to be strong for the benefit of all who are involved.

I'm trying to be strong.

Let me. My Father loved you so much that He gave Me as a sacrifice, not only for you, but for your son, and everyone else also. I will provide the strength. I promise I won't leave your side, not even for a moment. We will get through this time, together.

Okay, Jesus. I think I'm finished with this round of sorrow. I think I can keep going for a bit. Thank you for going with me, Lord. I don't like this road I'm on right now. Except for one thing about it.

Yes?

God, I don't think I've ever been this close to you before. I can hear you so clearly lately. The worse I hurt, the more I sense your presence. I don't want to lose that.

Draw close to me and I draw close to you. No matter what.

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