Humor

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(Continued from John 2:1-11 What a Meshugunah
Wedding!)

"What's all the gossip about? What has Pharisee Putzee done now?
Oy!" Jonah, Sidra's husband, was filthy dirty; his shoes were
muddy, and manure covered. He stood on the threshold of his
sister's back door, and was about to come inside.

"JONAH! Jonah! What are you doing? This isn't our house!"
Sidra screamed. This was a bit difficult, since she was in the middle
of stuffing a big piece of cake in her mouth. Crumbs fell to the
floor. Jonah's dog, Bubala, bounced inside and immediately
scooted under the table.

"JONAH! YOU TAKE THOSE SHOES OFF, RIGHT NOW! And,
get that mut out of here!" Sadie, Jonah's mother-in-law, stood at
the food laden table, and pointing a long finger toward the back yard.

Nebech shook his head, and looked across at his wife. Ladlah was
fussy about her house, but Jonah was Ladie's favorite brother;
if he wanted to be sloppy in their kitchen, it was fine with her.
"Bubala can stay, Jonah. He's a good little
servant; he always helps me clean up!" She just shrugged,
and nodded.

"Be good, Bubala!" Jonah yelled, as he stood by the back entrance,
and removed his shoes. Then, he walked barefoot into the savory
kitchen. "So, what's Pharisee Putzee up to, now?"

Sadie had already sat back down, and was pouring honey onto
a thick slice of bread. "Yes, Sidra. What was he doing - making eyes at
the young bride?"

Everyone in the warm room burst out laughing. Sadie could defintely
get on their nerves, including Bubala's, but they all appreciated
her rather dry humor.

"MAMA! SHHH!" Sidra leaned toward her buxom, no-nonsense
mother. Sadie also happened to be the richest woman in town;
nobody dare chide her except her baby daughter. "We'll all get
into trouble if you go on so!"

"Oh, Sidra. How could that ever happen, with my niece being his
lovely wife? Poor Putzee. If he ever glanced another woman's
way, Mirah would have him for breakfast, and then some!"

"So? If one of the Pharisees didn't make a fool of himself......
what else could have happened?" Jonah piled a plate high with
fruit, bread, and fresh greens from Nebech's fussy garden. He
wished he could be as good of a gardner as Nebech, but Jonah
knew that he wasn't cut out for it. Plus, he was scared of
earthworms.

"It was........hm. I can't remember His name! Do you, Sidra?"
Ladlah poured some fresh water into cups, and began passing
them around.

"Of course! His name was Jesus." Sidra never forgot a detail,
particularly if it had to do with important kibitzing of the town.
"Jesus of Nazareth. His mother was attending the wedding.
Her name is Mary." Sidra clucked her tongue, pensively. "I think
that a brother was there, also. Hm. I'll have to check on
that with Mirah."

Mirah, the wife of the chief Pharisee of the town, could always
be counted on for the most up-to-date information.

"Who is this Man? What did He and His mother do at the wedding?"
Sadie was suddenly disappointed that she had decided not to go
to the big party. A doting grandmother, she preferred to spend a
Saturday afternoon outside, having a picnic with her beautiful
granddaughters.

"Well." Sidra leaned forward with the look of a cat, who had
just discovered a mouse behind his fluffy tail. "Ladlah and I saw
a true Miracle! At first, I could not believe my eyes! But we were
not the only ones who saw it! Everyone at the wedding were
witnesses, too!"

"A Miracle?" Nebech's mouth was full of cake, and his words were
muffled. "What sort of Miracle? Did these good people find suitable
husbands for Stella and Netty?"

"Nebie! Our girls are too young, yet! Besides, when the time comes,
we all know that Sadie will be the one to choose!" Ladlah spooned
cut-up fruit onto everyone's plates. Bubala, lying peacefully under
her crowded kitchen table, whimpered. She took one piece off
the plate, and extended a hand beside her right foot; a warm, wet
nose touched her fingers, and an even warmer, wetter tongue
noisily slurped up the fruit.

"The Miracle had to do with the Man named Jesus. He created
wine, today, from nothing but jugs of water!" Sidra's plump arms
were spread wide, and her mouth open wider. After she spoke, she
looked around, as if waiting for an even greater mystery to unfold.

"What did He do to the wine?" Her husband, Jonah, had a mouth
full of bread. He sneezed, and bits of chewed bread crumbs
scattered onto his mother-in-law's plate.

Sadie used a free hand to smack him soundly on one of his
big ears. Her other hand was too full of grapes, at the moment.

"Ouch! Sorry! I couldn't help it! I think it's all the dried grass
for Leondi and Penel. Every time I spend too much time near their
stalls, I can't help...........achhhhoooo!"

"JONAH! Go outside, will you? You're ruining a fine supper! And,
the next time you go into town, you need to sell those donkeys."
Sidra, sitting on the other side of her husband, waved a plump hand,
sticky with fruit pulp, toward the open door. Outside, the setting
late afternoon sun cast a loving Hand into the family's warm
company. "What use are they? Those donkeys are so fat and
lazy, they ought to be sold down the road. Now, where was I?"
She frowned, and put sticky fingers to her plump chin.

"Something about the wine?" Nebech was busy working a finger
between two crooked front teeth. "Why do you insist on buying
fruit in town, Ladie? You know it's never as good as what's on
Sadie's farm!"

"Shhh! Everybody! I'm trying to hear my lovely daughter speak!
All of you! And, Jonah, I agree with Sidra. Those donkeys are
nothing but fat, manure makers. Neither one of them is worth
a shekel." Sadie stuffed another big piece of Ladlah's sweet cake
into her mouth, and licked a fleshy thumb.

"Thank you, Mama! I thought I was the only one who wanted to
get rid of those good-for-nothing beasts. Now, listen! As I was
saying......." Sidra yawned. It had been an eventful afternoon, and
she was ready for sleep. But, the excitement of telling the
busiest news in town was keeping her awake.

"LEONDI AND PENEL AREN'T STEPPING A HOOF OFF OUR
FARM! I AM THE MAN OF THIS FAMILY! WHAT I SAY,
GOES!" Jonah sneezed again. He blew his sunburnt nose into the
clean cloth that Nebech had just handed him.

"Jonalah, calm down! Between the sneezing, and all this
excitement, you're going to split that shirt I just made you!"
His sister reached over, and patted him on his broad back. "Don't
worry. I'll let nothing happen to those God sent creatures; you
have my word. I will see to it, that Nebech personally guards their
fat rumps both day and night." Ladlah used her big apron to wipe
some sweat from her round face. "Now please, Sidra! Continue!"

Everyone around the table nodded respectfully, and continued
chewing.

"Yes please, Sidra. Go on. Tell us about the wine." Sadie heaved
a huge sigh. If she couldn't get a few coins for those silly beasts,
perhaps she could lead her son-in-law to the town market and
sell HIM.

"I don't understand. So, what happened to the WINE? Was
Putzee dancing with that big wife of his, and stumbled into one
of the jugs?" Nebech belched, and scratched his thinning hair.

Everyone burst out laughing, again. The image of their cousin's
stuffy husband, the town's chief Pharisee, tripping over his small,
pointed feet, and knocking over several jugs of wine, was just too
precious.

For a moment, no one could speak or chew. There was laughter,
coughing, and wiping of eyes all around the messy table.

"Oy! What a clutz he is! How did that Putzee ever father
Mirah's......how many do they have, now?" Sadie finished wiping
her wrinkled eyes with the tablecloth.

"Six. Well, there's one on the way. But, don't say anything!
I promised Mirah I wouldn't spread the news just yet. You
all know how sensitive my cousin is." Sidra whispered loudly.

"Why? Is she afraid that this one will have Putzee's ugly
punum, also?" Nebech burped again. His wife got up, and
slapped him affectionately, on the back.

"Vey esmir! Please! I'm still eating! Just thinking of a poor
baby with that Pharisee's face makes me want to upend Ladlah's
good food!" Jonah had stopped his sneezing fit, and his laughing;
his stubbly mouth was full of cake, again.

"Ladlah, I'm getting weary of trying to speak to this meshugunah
family!" Sidra complained, pretending to cover her ears.

Her brother-in-law's eyes popped open. Nebech considered
this phenomenon. Sidra? Too weary to speak? Was the world
coming to an end? Thinking for a moment, he shook his head,
comforted, and continued chewing.

"Yes, Sidra. I agree. Now, shhhh! Everybody, listen to our
story! Shhh! Be quiet! Okay, Sidra, go ahead. I will smack
anybody, including the donkeys, if they interrupt you once more."
Ladlah picked up a broom by the back door, and shook it a
couple of times.

Some dried grass flew into the air; Jonah sneezed again.

"Thank you, Ladlah. Now, for the last time....my sister-in-law
and I witnessed a true Miracle, today! We saw it with our own
eyes! And, the Pharisees had nothing to do with it! There WAS
no wine, left! That was just it! There was NONE! And, then
suddenly......" Sidra was now standing by her place at the table;
both her hands were raised high in the air. Her large eyes slid
from left to right, and then back, again.

Everyone in the close room leaned forward, taking a collective
breath.

TO BE CONTINUED........

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