Humor

---

(The following little story is based on John 2:1-11.)
[I was brought up Jewish, so I'd appreciate any comments
about the Scripture and my story. Thanks!]

Nebech was busy in his garden. It was a beautiful day near the
sea, at Galilee, in their town of Cana. Nebech took a deep,
clean breath of sea air. Ah! It was great to be planting today,
particularly since his wife was in town! When Ladlah was home,
all she did was stand outside, by the front door, and kvetch at
him about what he was doing wrong. If it wasn't Ladlah, it was
that brother of hers next door - Jonah. His was the same name
of the fellow who had sat in a fish for three days, because the
Lord had gotten mad at him (for one thing or another); Nebech
often wished that the Lord would toss HIS brother-in-law to a
fish for a couple of peaceful days!

"Nebech! What are you doing with those plants? Oy! I leave
the house for five minutes, and this is what I find?" Ladlah was
walking down the dusty road with her neighbor and sister-in-law,
Sidra. The two of them had gone into town earlier, for an
afternoon wedding. Jonah, the bupkis of a husband, was off
somewhere - probably trying to figure out how to milk a cow.

"Ladlah, these are just some bulbs for next spring! Oy, vey.
So, ladies....how was the wedding? Was the whole town there?"
Nebech was kind of a loner, and didn't like big crowds. Plus,
one of his cows was just getting ready to calf.

"Oh, Nebech! You should have been there!" Sidra, the yenta
of the block (that is, the nosiest lady this side of Cana), put
her plump hands up in the air, and opened her wide mouth in
dramatic display. Actually, for Sidra, having an open mouth
was just a regular event. Nebech actually felt sorry for Jonah.
Poor Jonah: seven girls, a mother-in-law, and Sidra....all in the
same house! Perhaps, he could pray to the Lord for a couple
of peaceful WEEKS inside the belly of a fish.

Nebech yawned, and stretched. He had been sitting too long
by the garden bed, and his back was acting up. "So? What
happened? What? Did the groom decide not to marry the
girl? Did her mother slap him in the face for - hm, putting
her in the family way? Hm, I wish I could have seen that!"
He laughed.

Ladlah gave her witty husband a pinch on the arm. She shook
her covered head, and winked at her sister-in-law.

"Ouch! Well? What happened? What - did one of those
Pharisees reprimand you two for talking during the ceremony,
or something?" Privately, Nebech knew that Putzee, the head
Pharisee in town, was absolutely terrified of Sidra. He was
married to her cousin, Mirah. Mirah was bigger, and more of
a yenta, than Sidra.

"No, Nebech! Listen! Have we got a story to tell you and Jonah!
Where is that husband of mine? Can't we leave you two alone, for
ten minutes?" Sidra and Ladlah had been gone since long before noon;
they probably just wanted to share all of the latest gossip with the
kibitzing wedding guests.

Ladlah opened the little gate to her home, and nodded vehemently.
"Yes, Nebech! You and Jonah have to hear THIS! Oy! It's
probably all over Cana, by now! Come on inside! Netti and Stella
are staying behind for some more dancing."

"What?" Nebech looked at his wife as if she had gone stark mad.
"Huh? Why didn't they come home with you, Ladie?"

Ladlah smiled, and waved both hands at him. "Don't worry,
Nebie! The girls are fine! They're with Mirah and Putzee!
You don't think anyone would bother them, with our family
Pharisee looking on, do you?"

Sidra laughed, and followed her sister-in-law into the well-built, stone house.
"Are you kidding? Oy, that Putzee! Is he a pill, or what?
I don't know how Mirah puts up with him, do you?"

Nebech set down his gardening tools, and reluctantly trailed
after the two chattering women. He was certainly ready for
some supper, but the idea of sitting down with his yenta sister-
in-law made him want to burp already, from indigestion.
"Oh, please, Sidra! The question is, how does Putzee live with
Mirah? Everybody knows he's hen-pecked! And, for good
reason!" Nebech laughed, and went over to the bowl of
water, by the wooden table, to wash his soiled hands.

"Nebie! Stop that! Everyone knows what a wonderful woman
Mirah is! Shame on you! Now, sit down, will you, so we can
tell everybody what happened today! Do you want to start telling it, Sidra, or
should I?" Ladlah had brought a basket of fresh fruit home,
and began slicing some delicious bread she had baked, very
early this morning.

Sidra only replied, by running over to their back door, and
screaming, "JONAH! JO...NAH! Jonah! Come here! We're
having a bit of supper, and......no! No, it can't wait! JONAH!
This is more important than that silly donkey! Yes! Now!
And, tell the girls to start dinner! That house better be clean,
when I get back! Where's Mother? Well, tell her to come
over to Ladlah's house, as soon as she's done! I want her to
hear this, too! YES, JONAH! NOW!"

Meanwhile, Nebech had his craggy head turned to one side,
and both hands over his ears. He gave his wife a knowing
look. Ladlah returned a sidelong glance to her husband, and
bit her lip to keep from giggling.

Sidra had been married to Jonah for twenty-one years. Poor
Jonah.

A few minutes later, a rather ornery, older lady marched
brusquely into their savory kitchen. It was Sidra's mother,
and Jonah's mother-in-law, Sadie. Sadie had outlived three
husbands; as a result, she had quite a large piece of land
adjacent to Jonah's place. But, due to her achy bones, as
she put it, Sadie preferred to live with her daughter, and
son-in-law. Everyone knew it was really because she enjoyed
bossing everybody around, too much. Plus, she couldn't stay
away, for five minutes, from her adorable granddaughters! She
already had several very eligible husbands lined up for them.

Strutting rather quickly for using a walking stick, Sadie made her
entrance, and sat down. She immediately slid a long finger across
Ladlah's immaculate kitchen table, and pursed her lips. Nebech
chewed on a slice of bread, and rolled his eyes in consternation.
The only redeeming quality about Sadie, besides her well-stocked,
high quality cattle and farmland, was her dry wit about her
niece's insipid Pharisee husband, Putzee.

"Alright, Sidra. So, what is it, that took me away from my lovely
grandchildren this sunny afternoon? And, Ladlah, why are
you making such an early supper? It would do your husband
good to be out in the fresh air, a little longer. Sidra, where
is that son-in-law of mine? Oy, the only thing that boy ever
did, was help produce my beautiful granddaughters! But, as
we all know, they only take after OUR side of the family! Phht!"
Sadie made a spitting sound over her square shoulder. She and
Jonah's mother, Matilda, didn't get along very well.

"MAMA! Shhh! We're guests here!" Sidra frowned at
her rather assertive mother, and shook her dark head. She
grabbed a big piece of cake from the middle of the table,
and opened her wide mouth, for a sumptuous bite.

"Oh, pooey! We're all family here! Didn't I help bring all
of Ladlah's children into the world? That sorry midwife of
hers couldn't bring Nebech's calves to birth!" Sadie smacked
her daughter's plump hand away from the cake dish. She broke
off a piece, for herself, and tossed it into her mouth. "So?
What is all this rutkahs about? Did Putzee make another
fool of himself, again?"

"Yes, Sadie, you really have to hear all of this." Ladlah spooned
vegetable soup into earthen bowls, and brought out a big jug
of fresh water. "Well......." She looked at Sidra, conspiratorially.
"Do you want to start, or should I? Okay, I'll start! Guess what?"

"What, already? I'll be done with this soup, before Jonah ever
saunters in here!" Sadie took a loud slurp. "Ladlah, this could use
a bit more of those herbs from Nebech's fussy garden."

"There was a miracle at the wedding, today!" Both Ladlah and
her sister-in-law announced in a singular, booming voice.

Suddenly, Jonah appeared at the backdoor. "What's all the
gossip about?"

TO BE CONTINUED...........

---

PLEASE ENCOURAGE AUTHOR BELOW LEAVE COMMENT ON ARTICLE