Prayers

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There are people in my life whom I love dearly, who are chained by that devouring demon who goes by the name of Cocaine. Those of us closest to them live our lives in a sort of breathless expectantcy, waiting for a phone call from a friend, or for the policeman at the door telling us that one, or both of them, are no longer living.

We have, for the most part, stopped talking about it. It's still there,hovering at the edges of any conversation. We go our way, they go theirs. All of us have been pulled into Cocaine's wicked little game, not as users, but as participants nonetheless. That is why we usually don't answer the phone when they call. They only call to ask for help that we can't give any longer. No matter how much you want to believe that this time is different-- they will pay you back, and they will stop using-- you are generally wrong. Marriages have nearly crumbled, bankruptcies have been filed, and three beautiful little boys have been removed from their mother because Cocaine was more important to her than her own children. She's just a baby herself, only twenty one. She has of late been selling the only thing she has left, herself, so she can get her 'candy'.

Our help was anything but helpful. All we did was enable them to keep their money to give to their darling Cocaine while we provided all the necessities of life-- home, food, utilities, and clothing. Were we stupid? After about the fifth or sixth time, maybe. But we love them, didn't want them to suffer. We were blinded by our love for them, and only after a horrible incident caused us to finally take a step back did we see what we were doing. We were handing Cocaine to them on one of our own silver platters.

Drug abusers are expert liars. They lie to you. They lie to everyone. They lie to themselves. You can't get a truthful answer to even the simplest question. "How are you?" you will ask.
They will say, "Oh, just great!" and quickly change the subject. They know you already know the truth, they just don't want to admit to themselves that you know. Please don't trip over that--you know what I mean. Evade. Avoid. Dodge. It's all a game, and they know how to play it.

The truth is they don't know if they will be around long enough to see another day. The truth is they are starving, actually starving, because all their money must go to Cocaine, and given the choice between actual food and cocaine, they will choose Cocaine. He must be fed. If you are able to pin them down long enough, you will realize that any time you spend with them is just a delay tactic before meeting up with their dealer. You enable them to feel normal somehow, and they aren't even sure what normal is anymore. The truth is that soon, instead of using a gun, knife, or vicious beating as a threat to obtain money they owe, that dealer will use these things to kill them. I have heard that my loved ones lives have been threatened on more than one occasion because they didn't have the money to pay for 'fronted' drugs. Fronting drugs(which means play now, pay later)
is very profitable for a dealer because he gets more than he gives. Dealer's charge interest on fronted drugs. A dealer will kill you over this if you fail to pay him in a timely manner. It's a business, after all.

The truth is you become afraid to spend a lot of time with these beloved people because you have absolutely no way of knowing who, or what, is hiding in the shadows, waiting. And those people don't play nicely.

What can you do in a situation like this? Only one thing. Pray. Pray. And pray some more. Jesus is tougher than any drug dealer, He is tougher than Cocaine. But you have to let him in. I can't control what my loved ones do, I can't live their lives for them. I don't want this for them. But they have to not want it either.

I don't know what tomorrow will bring, and I don't want to. I pray for the best outcome, but unless they become willing to let God in, unless they push the bully Cocaine firmly out, I don't think I will get my desired outcome.

Sometimes all you can do is pray.

There, but for the grace of God, go I.

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