Faith

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A family member, upon reading some of the numerous writings I have written, laid the last one down and smiled over at me.

"You're such a good person," she said.

No, no, no, and no again. This remark, while I realize that she was favorably referring to my writing, left me in despair.

I am not a 'good' person. I mess up, often. I see myself as a work in progress. If I am 'good' in any way, it is because of Him. It's because of what He did for me. I try to live openly as myself, I write about things that happen in my family, to show that we are merely human, trying to follow Him, yet never hiding from the truth of our experiences, be they good or bad. There is always room for improvement in any life. Sometimes I listen--sometimes I don't. It's a common condition for we mortals.

That's the message. It isn't me. It's Him. My goal is to help other people find Him like I did. I don't walk alone anymore.
I was a hopeless case, a wanderer here, until I placed myself under His direction. He is the inspiration of my soul, and in my writing. I have nothing of value in my personhood without Him.

I try to be a good example, yet I fail miserably. If He isn't leading, then I am noone and my life means nothing. I chose daily not to hide myself from people, to live openly, exposing my mistakes and my successes so that maybe, someone can find Him like I did. If you knew me, you would realize that this is hard for me. I have always been a loner, shy, shrinking from any form of attention. Yet, I chose to step out of my comfort level on His behalf. I often fail Him. I just keep going, believing that even in my mistakes, He is at work. I am tired of other Christians pointing their fingers at other believers, telling them that "If you're doing this or that, or you say this or that, or you just aren't as perfect as I am, you must not be saved. You should be 'above' all this". Um, no. I am not above anything or anyone. What I do on the outside may have nothing to do with what is happening on the inside. Only my Lord knows who in this world knows Him. I refuse to follow the rules, except one. Love thy neighbor as thyself. I even mess this one up at times. So I keep listening to Him, accept His correction, and try to move on.

I am real. I am not perfect and never will be. It isn't possible. I live under the grace of God. Period.

I have nothing to do with any of my 'goodness'.
He has everything to do with it.

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