Christian Living

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Lessons Learned—The Hard Way?
© 2006

by


Stephen A. Peterson


The aroma from the kitchen was unmistakable—apple pie Linda’s favorite. It made her feel hungry and curious.

“Cindy, what are you doing?” Linda asked her nineteen year old college Freshman daughter.

“Obviously I’m baking an apple pie, mom!” she replied.

“Yes, but shouldn’t you be studying? You have an Algebra examination, a Chemistry examination and a major paper due in your Russian History class. If you leave things until the last minute, I’m willing to bet you’ll regret it. I learned that the hard way when I was in college.”

Cindy stared at her mother visibly angry for the lecture she received. “Mom, this about the fifth time you’ve told me in two weeks that I should be studying. I get it, mom! Did it ever occur to you that I’m old enough and capable of determining for myself how much study I’ll need? I’m not stupid! I’m receiving a 3.8 Grade Point Average out of a possible 4.0. If baking an apple pie is going t make me fail, isn’t that my problem? Yes, I know you and dad help me with my college expenses but you don’t have to boss me around like a child! I’m not a child anymore, mom! I’m all grown up as you should be able to see?” And with that Cindy left the kitchen slamming the door behind her.

Linda had her hand on the knob of the door to open it and a voice of continued protection began moving her—when something made her stop. “Had I listened when I had been told by my parents to study instead of going on a date? Or when I nearly wrecked my parents’ car because I ignored their warnings about the blizzard and the icy road that accompanied it.” Linda recalled that some of her more lasting and enduring memories in life had to be learned the hard way.

Many parents, it seems tend to try to parent their from one of two extremes—no interest or concern (permissive parenting) or over protectiveness (authoritarian parenting). Both parenting styles result in rebellious, often selfish, me-centered children incapable to making socially sound and appropriate decisions on their own. Parental guidance with increasing responsibilities throughout a person’s developmental years is what children require if they are to become mentally, socially and spiritually healthy adults. The operative concept is “guidance” Guidance entails parents be knowledgeable in the childhood developmental stages as well as an awareness when their child enters, exists these stages as well as patience and the desire to be a parent—the world’s oldest profession. Parental guidance increases or curtails responsibility when required. Appropriate growth and decision making results in greater responsibility and increased trust. Inappropriate behaviors result in consequences and additional training.

Human beings are successful risk takers. In comparison to all the other God-made creatures, humans are the most successful risk takers. Human are 95% likely to survive when taking risks. The next successful creatures are birds whose rate of survival is 20%. Quite a drop off!!!

As Linda found out, regardless of what she does to try to help her daughter do well and succeed in college, her concerns will be rejected either overtly or covertly by her daughter. God, in His infinite wisdom and omnipotence, has given humankind commands and laws that every living person the choice of abiding by or rejecting. When we follow them, life is more meaningful and fulfilling. When we do not, we are miserable and look for ways to fill the void (e.g. food, drugs, sex and increasingly more dangerous forms of risk taking activities).

Linda decided to stop being a nag. She further decided to trust Cindy to God, pray for her as she studied, believe that she has the ability to handle her own affairs, and whatever happened always let her daughter know she loves her unconditionally. Isn’t that the way God, Our Father, deals with each and every one of us—His children?

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