Short Stories

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They pulled in just before the house, then turned up and backed up the last part of the long driveway, slow and steady as if this was one stop of hundreds before of a utility service van. All shades were drawn and the windows were tinted dark, but the crew could feel the eyes upon them. They were outfitted with jumpsuits, Ruby’s just a size smaller which made it stretch tight everywhere. Shadoe called her a “walking misdirection. Or standing a one. Heck, a breathing misdirection.”

Shadoe and Ruby slid out of the van, Shadoe checked a clipboard on which he had “The Plan” inscribed on a mock work order: “Enter House, Snuff Bad Guys, Rescue Small Child” It was on official paperwork from the local utilities, something else Shadoe had gotten while snooping about in their databanks. Shadoe pretended to look at Ruby and pretended to be talking with her.

“Okay, Chaz, near the back of the van there’s a metal box with a couple dials on it, a meter, and a switch. Find it?”

“Check.”

“Would you be so kind as to flip the switch, please?”

“Done.”

“Good. That should load some feedback into their mobile phones; I’ve already sabotaged their land lines. We should be a welcome arrival as phone repair people. If not, we’ll just have to play it by ear. You know how to do that, don’t you, darlin’?”

“Just, ring the bell, Shadoe.”

“Call me Fred. I’m “Fred the Phone Guy” now. I’m in character.”

“Right, and I suppose “Fred the Phone Guy” pipes music into everyone’s com, too?”

“Oh, yeah. Fred’s a real music freak. You’re Freda. Freda the Phone Girl. You and I are seeing each other on the sly, behind your fiancée’s back.”

“I have a fiancée, do I?”

“Oh, yes. His name is Fleance.”

“Fleance the fiancée?”

“Frankly, I think you’re just attracted to his name. I don’t think he’s right for you.”

“Fleance?”

“No. He doesn’t understand you like I do.”

“Sooo, in this little triangle, we’ve got –

“Freda, Fred and Fleance the fiancée.”

“Quite the lineup.”

“Don’t forget the dog.”

“And the dog’s name would be?”

“Fido. And the cat Fluffy.”

“Fido, Fluffy, Freda, Fred –“

“The Phone Fanatics --"

“And Fleance the fiancée.”

“Who’s not right for you.”

“I’ll ring the doorbell or we’ll never get this rescue underway.”

“WAIT! Ruby, didja ever have the feelin’… that you were bein’…watched?”

The music changed on all channels.

(I got this feelin’
Somebody’s watchin’ meeeeee…)

“I get that feeling all the time, why?”

“Ruby, there are guys with guns in there, you know. You don’t have to do the face work, if you’d rather be wheelman.”

“I’m not worried. Besides, Chaz has got my back.”

“And what am I? Chopped liver?”

Ruby just grinned and rang the doorbell.

“Go away!” came a gruff voice from behind the door.

“Well, “ said Shadoe in surprise. “That wasn’t in the plan.”

“Phone maintenance,” Ruby said in her most business as usual tone.

“Get lost!” Came the voice again.

“Dude, like, your phone service has been interrupted in error,” Shadoe called out. “We’re here to reconnect you, man. No charge, just a little inconvenience.”

“I thought I was doing the talking,” Ruby muttered slightly.

“Right, well, Fred would’ve said something like that.”

“Excuse me sir,” Ruby called out in her most reasonable and yet alluring voice as Shadoe changed the tune he was broadcasting over the coms “but there is a corruption in the phone system…”

(Would I lie to you?) Shadoe’s song played in her ear.

“…and if it isn’t repaired it could result in permanent damage—“

(Would I lie to you honey?)

“Not interested, now for the last time, go away!”
Shadoe shrugged at Ruby.

“We’ve got an invoice here, sir…"

(Now would I say something that wasn’t true?)

"--signed by a resident of the house. We have legal permission to enter the premises.”

“What? Impossible.”

“It’s signed by an occupant of the house, see?”

(I’m asking you sugar would I lie to you?)

Ruby took Shadoe’s clipboard and held it up to the lens in the upper center of the door.

There was a pause.

“I can’t see the signature—“

Shadoe placed his gun on the lens of the door and shouted “Everybody Wang Chung tonight!”

The gun report was answered by the sound of a body falling on the other side of the door. There was a momentary silence before the soundtrack Shadoe had been piping into everyone’s com receiver became broadcast through an audio modulator in his throat.

(“You don’t spit into the wind
You don’t pull the mask on that Ol’ Lone Ranger
And you don’t mess around with Fred…”)

“Looks like we go to Plan B. Things are gonna get hot around here,” Ruby shrugged. “I’m going back to the van. Have fun!”

Ruby gave Shadoe a short wave and sauntered back to the van.

“Okay, second team, in! And bring The Persuader” Shadoe called enthusiastically into the com over his musical vamp. “Ladies and Gentlemen, now taking the stage, replacing Ruby, weighing in at two hundred thousand million pounds of rippling muscle, give it up for Bruinski!”

Bruinski opened the side door to the van and trotted towards the front door of the house. Just then an upper window opened up and barrel poked out, followed by the continuous staccato of automatic fire.

“Well, Curt, it looks like we’re going to get some lively resistance from this bunch, I think we’re in for an exciting afternoon of gunplay here in this remote setting.” Shadoe began a running commentary on top of the soundtrack he was already broadcasting. “Oh, I couldn’t agree more, Chris, this promises to be quite the match up.”

Bruinski covered his head with his hands as if he were running in the rain, and made it to the front door.

“That assault rifle’s got a powerful punch, Curt, but it’s got squat for aim when the bullets come flying out at that rate.’’Oh, I concur, Chris, and a moving target as well makes it doubly hard.’ You okay, Bruinski?”

Bruinski nodded enthusiastically.

“Okay, do your thing.”

Bruinski pointed to the railing that ran along the cement landing of the house.

“Oh, yeah, I better hold on to something, huh? Okay, let’s rock and roll!”

As a clip could be heard changed out from the window above, Bruinski took in a deep breath, his head raising up, his chest thrust out, his arms balled into fists. He held it for a moment, and then let out an extremely loud grunt, which sounded like someone stifling a very violent sneeze. Instantly the ground shook and the glass all around the house could be heard shattering, the foundations cracking and the door splintering in its frame.

Shadoe held onto the railing, shouting at the top of his lungs “ROCK AND ROLL! YEAH, BABY!” And as soon as it had begun it was over, Bruinski panting deep breaths. Inside the house on the other side of the door could be heard the sound of a chandelier crashing to the floor.

“What a ride! You gotta show me how you do that, some day! Well, that’ll shake ‘em up some.” Shadoe struck a classic Elvis pose (I’m all shook up! Uhhh huh! Thank ya, thank very much!) “You brought The Persuader?”

Bruinski nodded his head enthusiastically.

“Now, remember, these are bad guys inside here. They’ve got a kid stowed away in there, so we’re not too concerned about their health when all is said and done. Right?”

Bruinski growled slightly.

“I know. No one’s got the right to do that to a little cub. Let’s get ‘em, shall we?”


Shadoe changed the tune he was playing through his audio modulator as Bruinski gave a nod of determination. (Hey little sister what have you done?) and he pulled out of sling across his back a shotgun. (Hey little sister who’s the one you want?) Bruinski chambered a round from the pump, lowered it to the door, wrinkled up his face into an ugly grimace, (Hey little sister SHOTGUN!) and fired a slug into the lock mechanism. Then followed up by ramming into the door as it fell backwards off its hinges.

(Out of the doorway the bullets rip, to the sound of the beat, LOOKOUT!!) Shadoe fired is pistol up by the railing of the second floor that overlooked the entrance hall. The man with another automatic weapon spun backward and hit the floor.

(Another guy bites the dust! And another one’s gone and another one’s gone…Another guy bites the dust! Hey! Gonna get all of you! Another guy bites the dust!)

The two quickly moved into the sunken living room and took defensive positions, guarding each other’s backs, Shadoe pulling out a second gun from its holster, scanning the room with eyes, weapons, and targeting computers.

“Well, Curt, looks like they’ve gained access into the building and are now sweeping the main floor! What do you think of the chances of our good guys so far?’’I can’t get over that mini-earthquake from Bruinski, Chris. What a statement!’

Suddenly a man came bursting out of a bedroom from a long hallway that connected to the entrance hall. His small sub-machine gun spitting bullets out and making the furniture and breakables jump as they were sprayed back and forth.

(Shootin’ at the walls of heart-ache, BANG! BANG! Shadoe’s the Warrior!) On the beat of his own soundtrack, Shadoe put two perfectly placed bullets into the would-be assailant, who fell forward in a heap. (I am the Warrior! Who’s the hunter? Who’s the game? I feel the beat call your name; I’ll shoot you down in victor-ry)
“And now, Curt, The two good-guys are swiftly moving up into the dining area, covering each other and gaining precious ground."

“Oh, hey! Wood floors! I LOVE wood floors!” Shadoe broke from the defensive position and glided onto the wood floor, ending his slide in a shimmy, twisting and turning across the dining room floor (Doin’ it right, uh-huh, Shadoe dancin’….shimmy across the floor….uh huh)

Ruby sat in the driver’s seat in the van, watching some of the readouts on her onboard monitor. Chaz sat poised in the back, waiting for his signal.

“How does he do this, Chaz?” Ruby wondered aloud.

Chaz’ grunt was barely audible.

“Look at these readouts on Shadoe. He has targeting computers on his guns set to verbal command for the triggers, then reprograms the firing command word for each time he fires, usually some word in a song he’s singing at the time, fires on the beat, reprograms, tracks, backs up his own singing with a music track, does that silly voice commentary in two separate voices from his sound modulator, all the while dancing across the hardwood floor in the dining room—“

Shadoe’s icon appeared on the windshield of the van.

“—And don’t forget tracking everyone’s input from their combat cameras, and eavesdropping on you all in the van. Just call me a multi-tasking kind of guy! (We’re running with the Shadoes of the Night, so baby check your gun it’ll be alright…)

Chaz swore in German and pulled his earpiece out.

“Hey, multitasking man,” Ruby said calmly, “can you plug only mission based audio into Chaz’ ear? He’s wound up enough as it is with the kid and all, I’d appreciate it.”

Shadoe’s icon bounced around the windshield/readout of the van, shimmying along with the real Shadoe.

“You got it sister. Mr. Sturm und Drang over there filtered to only receive mission specific chatter. Bit boring if you ask me.

(Here comes Shadoe singing oldies, goldies
Be-Bop-A-Lula, Baby What I Say
Here comes Shadoe singing I Gotta Bad-Guy
Down in the kitchen, gonna make him pay)

Two guns shots from Shadoe's pistols.

"Well, they're in rare form tonight, Curt..."

Ruby turned the sound down a bit more and just shook her head.

"Just what did we get ourselves into hooking up with this crew, Chaz?" Ruby sighed.

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