Healing

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Bipolar, schizophrenic, terribly ill… saved?

You never now how much you appreciate candy until the only sweets you can eat are fruit. You never loved taking a shower as much as choosing not to take one or taking two or three in a day. Before, dignity was something abstract you heard or read about but you never saw it until it was striped away from you, put apart until you proved to be worthy of it. Before, freedom was something your boring history teacher would talk about, but you didn’t see it until you were tied to a bed with rope around your arms and legs.
“He has no hope Mrs. Rivera. He will have to remain hospitalized all the time. It is not safe for him outside.” The doctor told my mother whose eyes were filled with tears of disbelief that something like this could happen to someone so young so healthy and bright. This doctor and I sometimes would bump into each other on the street where I used to work and the look on her face wasn’t one of happiness for a triumph over sickness. No, it was a look of anger and disappointment she was proven wrong by this ignorant kid with “religious delirium” who just kept repeating over and over “God is gonna heal me. God is gonna heal me.” And he did.
So what does this dramatic introduction have to do with personal peace? Well, for me personal peace is something that I didn’t valor or have until I was searching for it franticly in a storm of confusion and paranoia. I didn’t find personal peace until everything I had was taken from me and the only thing I could hold on to was Jesus. I don’t care what the scientific explanation is. I know I am functional because of Gods’ mercy. I know I slept well not because of the pills but because of the will of the lord. And I know that my peace comes from finally having a relationship with Him; worshiping and obeying him. Even though they say my mind is broke, well, all I can say to that is that it’s true and it was bound to happen. Because it was made of clay and the Lord loves to break things and make them better.

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