Faith

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I have been having strange feelings lately; I have been feeling very lonely, angry, sad, and just confused. I have been praying and asking God to reveal to me what was going on. Well, through many nights of talking to God and crying and just really listening, God revealed to me that; I am entering a new stage in my life, and it is making me feel lonely. God revealed that I have to "trust" him and begin the process of letting go.

Let me explain what I am talking about: I am a single mom of 2, my oldest is 20 and my youngest is 14.

When I became a mom althoughs many years ago, It was and still is the greastest joy in my life, my kids and I have always had a closeness. I lived for these two boys, I always wanted to be a good mother and be somebody they could look up to. I do think that I have done that, they talk to me about everything, (even if it freaks me out alittle.) Anyway, my life became these kids, I worked did what I had to do to make sure that they were taken care of, and while I had the ocassional date, I never put anyone in my house over my kids, when I knew that relationships were not going to work, I ended it, i did not want to let men try and get to close to my kids, because I didn't want them to become attached and hurt. I did what I had to do, what I forgot was the fact that, they were going to grow up and begin lives of their own. So I ended up not figuring out what it was that I wanted to do once this happened, I didn't firgure it out until recently.

What really bought this to my attention, was the fact that this particular weekend, both of my kids were gone the ENTIRE weekend, and while I am used to my older son hanging out, I am not used to my youngest son being gone. It was such an eye-opener, it was very scary, because I had to realize that I don't have as much time left with them as I thought. I began to ask God to be with me as I figured this part of my life out, show me things that I could pursue and show me what this new purspose in my life would be.

He began to show me that I like to write, I have always kept journals and he showed me that he was going to show me how to blog,and really learn how to write, which is what has bought me here.

While I am nervous in this new season, and while I am looking to let my kids grow, I have found that I have been trusting God all along, not only with my kids, but myself as well. I have been able to be part of a great bible study in my church, I have been able to go on bible retreats. So while God is getting my boys ready to move on, he is getting me ready for something as well.

God is and has always been there for us, and blessed us. The weekend I thought I spent alone, I really spent it " Alone with God".

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