Marriage

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If you remember the “Rocky” movies, perhaps you recall how prize-fighter Rocky Balboa, described his marriage to Adriene:

“I got gaps, she’s got gaps. Together, we fill gaps.”

Not quite Shakespeare, it’s still a good description of two lives blending. Jesus put it more eloquently when He said husbands and wives “are no longer two, but one.” (Matthew 19: 6, NIV)

Ask people what the greatest blessing of marriage is, and most will say it’s having someone to share life with. Why do we desire this? Because God created us to, as we learn from 1 Corinthians 11:11: “In the Lord, however, woman is not independent of man, nor is man independent of woman.” (NIV) We need each other.

God holds marriage in such high esteem that only death is supposed to separate partners. Not that marriage is a Hallmark commercial, as most wedded folks have learned! (Even during the most romantic phases, does anyone ever REALLY run slo-mo and barefoot through buttercups to embrace their beloved?) Honeymoons end in about a week and real life sets in, with real electric bills. Once the freight trains—I mean, kids—arrive, any days of wine and roses grow fewer and farther between.

Life can seem more like the days of meatloaf and mowing the lawn—and this ordinary, day-to-day living can cause us to under-appreciate the extra-ordinary blessings of marriage. Between careers, chauffeuring children and crossing off items on the “to do” list, two people who are supposed to be one seem more like two ships passing in the kitchen, grabbing Pop Tarts as they head in different directions.

Let’s catch our breath and consider how God desires to bless us through marriage. He blesses us with children, companionship and team work, and with mutual celebration during those “for better” moments and emotional support when things are “for worse.”

He also blesses us with the special oneness of lives entwined. Becoming one doesn’t mean we lose our identity; rather, we enhance it by complimenting what’s strong and strengthening what’s weak. Our different gifts and traits should bring balance to our lives, while our shared beliefs and ideas can build an unshakable foundation. Unique, yet unified, we’ll pray to journey from the sweetness of young love to the beauty of old love. Soft hands clasped together gradually become gnarly ones, while smooth faces grow wrinkled, presenting a map of storms weathered, goals achieved and commitment that lasted through it all.

Oneness is intimate, both physically and emotionally. It’s that private joke, that certain smile, that personal secret between people who can finish each other’s sentences, who know how the other will react before it’s time to react. It’s that’s arm around your shoulder, or an “I love you” from the person who knows what makes you tick, what turns you on and trusts you enough to tell the truth. It’s curling comfortably beside the person who’s aware of your faults, quirks, hang-ups—and wants to be with you anyway.

Sadly, there are married people who feel anything but blessed. They’re lonely, juggling unfair amounts of responsibility or feeling like their soul mate has morphed into someone they no longer recognize. Instead of gaps being filled, they’re starting to rival the Grand Canyon.

The bookshelves are packed with advice on reclaiming “oneness” with our spouse, but I think author Beverly LaHaye recommends the best one. In her devotional, “Worth Defending in Battle”, she says the Word of God is what every marriage needs.

To discover, rekindle or continue in the blessings of marriage, it makes sense that the Bible is the perfect place for couples to begin. God designed marriage, (Matthew 19: 4-5) and who better to seek guidance from than the inventor Himself?

Many things threaten to divide and conquer marriages, but couples can stand firm if they “be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power.” (Ephesians 6:10, NIV) To focus on Him first, and seek His will for their marriage is the way to fully experience the blessings of what He wants husbands and wives to be—partners, friends and lovers.

Marriage IS worth defending. May we always be willing to step in the ring and stare down whatever opponents life throws our way.

Together, let’s fill gaps—and know that if we ever DO bounce through the buttercups, step in a pothole and sprain our ankle, our beloved will help us hobble along, whispering:

“I am my beloved’s and my beloved is mine.” (Song of Solomon 6:3, KJV)


©Donna G. Morton March 2006

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