Marriage

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I once shared an apartment with three cats. Jesse and Tugger were males; Ginny was the Queen of Hiss and kept the other two in submission with her low growls and tendency to pounce when miffed. Enthroned on the windowsill, a mere lift of her calico head reminded Jesse and Tugger who dominated this kingdom.

So mean was the queen that I gave her to a friend, just so the other cats could live in peace.

My guy cats weren’t wimps—they were neutered, and Ginny reduced their maleness all she could. She bossed, controlled and attacked with claws bared.

In the same way, I know women who try to neuter their husbands. Ask these gals what they think about wifely submission and they’ll give you a firm HA!

The thing is—there’s no getting around Colossians 3:18: “Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.” (NIV) What are modern-day Christian women supposed to do with this? Hey, we’ve come a long way, baby—haven’t we? Indeed we have, but God hasn’t updated the Bible. His Word stands.

It took me awhile to understand how His plan works. I’m from that “bring-home-the-bacon-fry-it-up-in-a-pan” generation of women, those who were going to have it all and have it the way we wanted it. This included Mr. Perfect-in-Every-Way for a husband. Of course, I never met Mr. Perfect, though I did meet Mr. Cheap, Mr. Creep and Mr. Freak. It was while picking through this garden variety of Mr. Wrong’s that I discovered what GOD desired for me in a husband.

“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” (Ephesians 5:25, NIV)

Wow, think about that! How does Christ love the church? Completely and unconditionally, with her best interest in mind and her needs put first. He guides, defends and encourages her to grow and flourish. Through the best and worst of times, He’s committed, respectful, faithful and supportive. In word or deed, He doesn’t abuse.

That’s what God expects of husbands. If we’re blessed to have a Godly guy like this around, we shouldn’t have a problem allowing him his God-sanctioned role of leader. This man knows that submission isn’t about diminishing anyone’s importance or dignity. It’s the way God designed the household order, and a man who’s obedient to God will take this immense responsibility seriously, conducting his life in ways that reflect the character of Christ. We submit by acknowledging the role God has given him, and by being the helpmate who walks beside him with strength, dignity, wisdom, humor and goodness, being a wife he “has full confidence in.” (Proverbs 31)

Here’s what it comes down to: submission begins with our spiritual duty to live as God instructs. When both husband and wife submit to God’s ways, marriage becomes an equally yoked partnership with both people acting in the best interest of the union.

Some women have a hard time letting men be men, while others kick back and let them carry it all. Either way, anger and resentment build, and we must surrender our control or lazy issues to the Lord. Then there are husbands who are good guys but fall short as leaders, or are strong in some areas and weak in others. 1 Peter 3: 1-2 teaches that husbands can be won over by a wife’s behavior. We have influence, and remembering that men respond to encouragement, praise and gentleness, use it to light the fire.

If the fire doesn’t flame, a marriage might need outside help to get it on a Godly path. Tragically, some marriages are fraught with violence, infidelity, drug abuse and other problems that create miserable, even dangerous, environments. Does “submit” mean that wives put up and shut up? Of course not. “As is fitting in the Lord” reminds us that a woman’s first priority is Christ. Being subjected to anything that goes against God’s teaching is not His will. Women in these situations must draw near to the Lord, seek help and safe surroundings.

God’s desire for marriages is that they be strong and happy commitments. We know this isn’t always the case and the reasons are wide and varied. IF it’s because we struggle for authority, let’s pray for clarity on what submission really means and how to apply it to our own marriage. (James 1:5)

We are, after all, the queens—and queens have power. Used wisely, it builds our house up; used foolishly, it tears our house down. (Proverbs 14:1)

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