Humor

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I just want to start this week’s column by saying thank you to all 20 of you who have taken the time to read my debut column “Lego Wars”. I have decided to call my column “Growin’Up” and to name each column according to what it is about. One thing has changed though; names will be changed to protect identities. I was talking to my mom about the column and what I was doing and she got concerned about privacy issues. I will give her some credit; she did not get livid until I informed her that I was going to post her private e-mail address. So in the interest of family peace, no one’s name will be real unless I forget to take the time to change it. Lord willing, I am planning to start posting the column on Friday nights by at least 10 o’clock so you will be able to read them on Saturday. I did not get to post until today because of a computer error. (Then I fell asleep.)
The dreaded Church Cantata has interrupted the regular programming for this week! The reason for the interruption is that there are just too many funny things happening for me to ignore. This is the first year I have participated in the play, though I have been in other church productions. This year I am THE utility man because I have 4 different roles. I am a disciple who leads the blind man to Jesus, while accusing the adulterous woman, and all the while carrying Jesus’ cross. Fortunately, I only have two lines, for it could be very awkward if I were to mix them up. “Jesus did this adulterous woman sin, or her parents, that she was born this way.”
I have found that a church play can bring out the best and the worst in people. First of all, you have to be very careful whom you allow to play the role of Jesus, for they may get the big head. One year the man playing the role of Jesus started going around blessing people! He does not attend our church anymore. Then, all of you that have ever been in a church play know about the church play divas. They are the ones who pretend they are the stars in a Broadway production by arguing with the director, missing practices constantly, fighting over the solos, and forming entourages. “I just can’t work like this!” seems to be their main conversation topic. On the other hand, I have found and forged some new friendships with people while being in the church productions.
One of the things I enjoy most about being in a church play is the pranks. It is a tradition in our church that pranks are played during the practice before dress rehearsal. But there has been pranks pulled in other productions while the play was going on. For instance, last year I was in a production called “Judgment House” where I played a dying man. I really enjoyed that role because I spent most of my time lying in a bed. I started getting suspicious that something was up when my wife took me behind a curtain and started distracting me with kisses. Just like Samson, I fell for the whims of my Delilah. I heard the audience coming in the room so I ran out to my bed and got in. When I lay down in the bed I discovered the ice water that had been poured on the mattress. All I could do was lie there and say my lines while freezing. The people involved are still on my list. In the last Easter cantata, my brother and a friend decided to pull a stunt. During dress rehearsal, we had come to the scene where Jesus is beaten and led to Calvary. As Jesus was coming down the aisle, Brent and his friend bust in the back door of the Church, their paintball guns blazing. They were dressed head to toe in fatigues and they run up to Jesus and grabbed him and took him away in a daring rescue. Fortunately for everyone else, the guns were not loaded. That, I thought, is the reason that God will never allow time-travel, for you would have somebody do something like that. Seriously, doing this has made me think about Jesus’ sacrifice and the price paid for me. I have to go now, for I have a prank to plan.

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