Faith

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Looking through the trees, I could barely conceive that anyone would love me, anyone could possibly notice my pain, my utter separation.

Yet You beckoned me like a candle shining brightly in a window on a cold December night, “Come to me all who are weary and heavy laden, and I will give you rest”.

Rest? Rest; this was a concept so foreign to me.

For so long I had prayed for the bitter tears to subside and for sweet sleep to take its place. But, though my eyes would close, my mind was filled with visions too dark for true peace to come.
My heart too full of longing and too weary of trying, my love too cold for joy to find its mark.

Each day that passed only served to make my dreams more elusive.
I prayed for the end, “GOD, JUST LET IT END!”

I took the rope in hand and tied the end tightly around the center beam. Ever-so-carefully I tightened the noose so that there would be no mistake this time.

I looked into the face of death and resolutely stood on the precipice, my face to the wind, my back to the wall. No turning back.

As I tightened the loop, I prayed for the end to be swift and painless.

So many things went through my mind. All of the things I enjoyed,
the places I went, the friends I held dear all gone in a blink.

I took one final step toward that light in the window, and as it neared I realized; I’m not losing nearly as much as I stand to gain.

The death I died that day was not a physical death. I put to death my “old man” with all of his imperfections and took God up on His offer: earthly rags for eternal riches.

It was both the end and the beginning. I have never contemplated anything more fully or embraced something more completely.

That light in the window was more than a spark in a storm. It was the fire of life welling in my heart. Salvation from these earthly chains, freedom from the Captor.

Because I saw the end of the old man, I can finally and completely rest.

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