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Letting Go

by Jennifer Newton
07/20/05
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I could push him over the cliff, I thought, as I stood with my right leg extended out onto a hovering branch a good thrity yards up. I was on the verge of exhaustion only moments before, but the rising sun now pushing up over the bumpy horizon gave me a new sense of endurance. I twisted my left leg which was firmly planted in the black leaf covered soil, and tried to wrestle myself free from his grip. I hadn't decided whether a sudden jolt that may send him tumbling towards the edge, or a simple wrenching to untangle our connection, would be the more noble choice. Separation or complete obliteration of my stalker was the question and the answer was much less than obvious to me, even after all these years. "So many grey areas," I said to him, as I looked away quickly to avoid eye contact. I settled on wrestling myself free; as much as I hated his constant harassment, I knew better than to completely sever our ties. If time had worked so hard to keep us aware of each other's presence, I may as well choose to believe that it is for the best. I gazed away from him and back over ledge down to the spiraling mass of trees and branches and rocks to the bottom. Even from up here I could see the sun sparkling on the water like diamonds scattered across black satin. The air that surged upward from the cavernous space below was fresh and clean and new. I inhaled it deeply and knew that the only place to go was down. Or forward off a branch that could only support a being that was being held in place by a strong entity with the will to save. Maybe I didn't want to be saved, I recognized the quality of the air there. I recognized the panicked look on his face when after a few more attempts at twisting my leg, it finally slipped free of his relentless grip and I tumbled backwards landing on my back on the branch. I heard the wood crackle and snap as I landed and felt myself lurch suddenly. Without knowing why, I felt my mouth curl upwards into a slight smile. I thought that perhaps it was the victory of it all. His eyes widened and I saw him lunge forward slightly and then stop himself when my whole body began plummeting downward, the air whirling around me, the trees soaring by like birds in flight. Fear was fleeting, it passed almost as fast as the trees did. What I felt, instead, was freedom. I stared him in the face and watched him get smaller and smaller as my body picked up speed, until only seconds later, I could no longer feel him or see him. I landed face down in uncharted territory, peeled my aching body up off of the unfamiliar ground, and breathed the foreign air of my future. The debris of my past was now only a small shadow on a far away ledge, a subtle reminder of how I came to be.

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