Communication

Gleaning From The Book of Esther, Reviewing The Story

by Janice S Ramkissoon 
10/03/25
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“...Mordecai had taken her as his own daughter…"

~ Esther 2:7 ~

My entry into this world was through a very traumatic situation. It was a catastrophe for all concerned. Consequently, I wore the name of a man who wasn’t my father. I spent years searching for him and never met him, while my real father stayed hidden in plain sight until I was 50 years old. I struggled to regain equilibrium after that news (backed by a paternity DNA test). Finding out who my father was shocked me to the core, gripped my heart, and turned my world upside down.

I was a fatherless child who had no bond with my mother. There was a point I wasn’t aware that I wasn’t an orphan. I longed for someone to see me as a daughter and care for me just the same. I needed guidance, and I needed to know that I was loved, accepted and cherished. Unfortunately, that was not to be part of my story where any of the father-figures were concerned.

Nevertheless, I had hoped that when I did find my father, we could establish and develop such a relationship. Not knowing that was an unrealistic expectation, I had to sit with the grief for a few years while processing. I had to recover from the shock and being on the receiving end of blame and lack of compassion, before I could begin to move forward.

The Reality, Faith and Favour

I didn’t question God’s sovereignty, but I had questions about my past.

If my real father knew he was my father, why did he remain silent?

If he was afraid to speak up when I was a child, why remain silent when I became an adult?

I was confused. Then I became very angry when I found out I had been deceived. To some extent, I wrestled with a crisis of identity in those few years.

When the anger subsided, I was able to look back and be grateful for God’s provision through my grandparents; through my community youth leaders; through my church family; and now through the family I helped to create.

Reviewing the Story

My maternal Grandfather was my very own 'Mordecai,' alongside his wife, my maternal grandmother. Meditating on Esther 2:7, it became apparent that I had only registered the abandonment and seen only the rejection from my father, which resulted in childhood neglect, due to my mother’s physical absence (working to provide for me). However, it became apparent that my mother leaving me with her parents was a form of protection.

Esther’s story allowed me to review the story of rejection that I had been telling myself, and acknowledge God’s protection as a significant part of the same story. I now fully accept that being raised by my Grandparents was God’s way of protecting me from being numbered among the statistics we are so familiar with, of a ‘fatherless’ child.

I then permitted myself to grieve the loss of a childhood I cannot retrieve and the lack of bond with parents, siblings, extended family members, and friends, because of it. I started journalling my thoughts and found I am, again, calling to God, asking for restoration of relationships in my extended family and my church family.

~ End of Part 2 ~

Part 3 ~ Two Realities