Grief

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Four years have gone by.
And you know I still cry.
Don’t get me wrong.
Most of the time I’m strong.

But then there are times
I have to play games with my mind.
There has to be a good reason I say,
Why my son was taken away!

And then I say
Now, let’s see....
Let the games begin,
What reasons could there be?????

Maybe later in life,
John would have suffered for years.
Maybe in pain all the time
Or most of the time in tears.

Yes, that would have been worse,
Than the way my son died.
Or maybe, no matter
How hard we had tried,

Maybe he would have done something...
Something so bad.
That it would have made us
Even more sad.

But the BEST thought--
The one that gets me through,
Is when I think of my other children
Since then God has blessed me with two.

And then I think back and recall
We said we wanted two kids-not three.
And then I start wondering
What my youngest child will be.

Who knows, maybe he’ll be a scientist,
Who will discover a cure for the world,
That will affect and improve the life
Of every boy and girl.

And then I think....
If that’s the case,
And my son John had lived,
We'd never know what my youngest has to give.

I know this game sounds strange to some,
But it’s just the way I cope.
And looking forward to the years to come,
That gives me about 20 years of hope.

And if it doesn’t work out that way,
I’ll love my youngest just the same.
Because I’ll know he helped me cope for years,
By helping me play THE GAME!

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