Leadership

Greetings —Are We Doing it Right?

by J.W. Phillips
04/08/25
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Greetings—Are We Doing it Right?

Scripture's repeated commands to greet one another aren't just talking about welcoming visitors. If we limit these commands to visitors only, we would be trivializing what the command to greet one another is really all about.

Of course, visitors should be welcomed; there’s no question about that. But the command to greet one another addresses deeper relational concerns.

Friendliness is fine, but fellowship is our goal.

Differences Between the World’s Greeting and a Christian Greeting
The world will greet people for one of three reasons: 1) because they are present, 2) because they are popular, or 3) because they are preeminent.

Significantly, the Lord had some very stern words for recipients of the second and third type of greeting who allowed praise to become a ruling passion in their lives.

In Luke 20:46 he said, “Beware of the scribes, who desire to go around in long robes, love greetings in the marketplaces, the best seats in the synagogues, and the best seats at feasts.” And in Luke 11:43 Jesus said, “Woe unto you, Pharisees! For you love the uppermost seats in the synagogues and greetings in the markets.”

Notice the recurring phrase— “greetings in the markets.” These religious leaders loved the extra courtesy they received whenever others spoke their names.

“Good morning, Rabbi! It is so good to see you today!”

Ah, the reverence of tone and twinkle of eye that accompanied these words caused the good rabbi to strut with expanded chest and elevated chin.

How he absorbed this attention into his very soul! “Tell me how wonderful I am” was the title of his life’s script. “I know words will fail you, but try.”

A Christian greeting differs because of its godly affection for another, as opposed to an ungodly affection for self.

In checking out the longest greeting list in the Bible (found in Romans, chapter 16), we see many terms of endearment. For example, Paul called Phebe “our sister” (v.1). He called Priscilla and Aquila “my helpers” (v.3). He spoke of “my well-beloved Epaenetus” (v.5). Andronicus and Junia were called “my fellow prisoners” (v.7). Paul addressed Amplias as “my beloved in the Lord” (v.8). He spoke of Stachys as “my beloved” (v.9). He referred to the “beloved Persis” (v.12) and said that the mother of Rufus had been like a mother to him (v.13).

Another way the greetings of the world differ from the greetings of Christians involves context. The Christian couches appreciation in a God-at-work theology.

In Romans 16, Paul referred to Phebe as “a servant of the church ... [who] had been a great help to many people” (vv.1-2, NIV). Then he wrote of Priscilla and Aquila, saying, “They risked their lives for me” (vv.3-4, NIV). Additionally, he said, “Greet Mary who bestowed much labor on us” (v.6). “Salute Urbane, our helper in Christ” (v.10). And “salute Tryphena and Tryphosa, who labor in the Lord” (v.12). All these people were remembered because of how the Lord used them.

Moreover, upon scanning the first thirteen verses in this chapter, we see the term “in Christ” or its equivalent “in the Lord” nine times.

What makes a greeting Christian? Well, it isn’t including church lingo—some “hallelujah, praise-the-Lord, God-bless-brother talk.” And it isn’t by amping the volume as Minnie Pearl used to do, “Howdee!”!

A Christian greeting has more genuine and godly depth.

Levels of Communication
When we think of a greeting, we usually think of a pleasant exchange of polite words. “Hi! How are you?”

“Fine, just fine, thank you,” comes the expected reply.

So, is this what God is so concerned to preserve? I don’t mean to demean the cordial language of public life, but it does seem somewhat superficial, doesn’t it?

You are aware that we communicate with each other on various levels.

First, there is the ritual level. On this level we exchange our hellos and good-byes, attempting to be polite, social, and friendly.

What we say on this level is reserved for acquaintances, for the most part. It certainly has no depth, no matter how well-intentioned these communications may be.

Another level of communications is what we might call pastimes. This is elevator talk, or the kind of talk we may engage at social settings.

Such communications have more substance than our ritual exchanges, but, as such, these reveal little of a person’s heart.

For men, this talk may include sports, politics, or some hobby. It is typical for men to be comfortable with this level of talk as long as they have “topic security.”

For women, this talk might include family, travel, or craft ideas. Not to be stereotypical, we acknowledge that the conversational range for women may be greater than what appeals to men.

Still another level of communication is intimacy. Intimacy involves the sharing of the inner life, especially those thoughts and feelings at the deepest part of one’s heart.

Intimacy discloses aspects of our life that other levels of communication conceal.

But because intimacy involves vulnerability, and perhaps risks rejection, many people prefer these other levels (the ritual or pastime) or, worse still, no communication (an activity or withdrawal).

Many men like the activity level. They can work side-by-side with other men all morning, say very little, and fill their small quotient for relationship.

The hello-nice-to-see-you-you-all-come-back level of communication is fine, as is the sharing of various experiences and opinions. But foundational to the Bible’s fivefold command to greet one another is this call to intimacy.

In more than one instance the command to greet one another includes the words “with a holy kiss” (I Corinthians 16:20; II Corinthians 13:12; Romans 16:16).

I Peter 5:14 speaks similarly, instructing us to greet one another with the kiss of love. This kiss is to convey genuine affection, an exuberance triggered by seeing this person again.

Faking Friendship
The “kissy, kissy” greetings of Hollywood, where faces turn and kiss the air, is as fake as it looks. We certainly don’t want that!

When thinking about greeting with a kiss and this issue of sham intimacy, we immediately recall how the kiss of Judas masked a breach of friendship, and hid a fresh alliance with evil.

Wanting no more of that, John Henry Jowett wrote:

To use a kiss in the ministry of betrayal is like using a sacramental cup to poison a friend. The very worst form of devilry is that which garbs itself in the robes of an angel of light. Evil which wears its own clothes is sufficiently repulsive, but it is not nearly so repulsive as when it counterfeits goodness, and decks itself in adornments stolen from the wardrobe of virtue.¹

Even today there are:

those puckered lips which speak evil in secret:
those bright eyes which hide dark thoughts,
those sweet tones borrowed from the theater and not from truth,
those warm embraces that make physically closer two hearts that are not close.

All these stage a sham that declares Judas didn’t die after all! We certainly don’t want that in the church!

We also don’t want the erection of relational barriers, which, even though invisible, block the spontaneity and joy that the kiss was supposed to communicate.

If something like this is going on in our churches today, what do you suppose the greeting between two such people would be like?

Would it have the spontaneity of joy that the kiss of love is supposed to convey? No, it wouldn’t, since the undealt with past has taken the air out of those tires.

Due to this emotional investing in the negative, there would be something in the intangibles that would hold each person back.

Are you now beginning to understand why the Lord gave this “one another” command five times?

It is because the meeting and eating we do with each other will mean nothing—unless, in the Lord’s love, we start greeting each other in the right way, wherein all that dictated distancing has now been dealt with successfully.

The goal for our greetings is that they are authentic and heartfelt, graced by God and unhindered by the sabotaging behaviors of self.

Notes:

1. John Henry Jowett, Friend on the Road and Other Studies in the Gospels, Kindle Edition, 2010; Kindle locations: 777-780