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Celebrating 20 Years With FaithWriters 3

by Janice S Ramkissoon 
03/09/25
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Update On The Search For My Father:

Thank you to those of you who have taken the time to support me through your prayers, friendship and words of encouragement as I journeyed through seasons of disappointments, trying to find my birth father. God brought you into my life to fulfil His promise of never leaving or forsaking me (John 14:18; Hebrews 13:5) and that He will always be with me (Matthew 28:20). I appreciate you and your words of encouragement over the years!


Those of you who have been on this journey with me would have read my updates on finding, in 2005, the person I thought was my father. My husband saw the pain I was in, each time my birthday came around, and decided to help by putting an ad in the paper. I had given up ever finding my father in my early teen years. But through that one advertisement at age 33, I was able to find the person I thought I was looking for.


I never met him in person but I was accepted by his father as a grandchild. Although I met his Dad and wore his name, I never had the privilege of meeting the man whose name I wore. I did however, connect with his children and they will always have a special place in my heart. We all wore the same surname connecting us to the same man--the man I thought was my birth father. 


When he died, I shared with you that I felt nothing in the way of sorrow and wondered if something was wrong. Then I realised I was perpetually grieving that loss since childhood, I just didn’t have the understanding. Niether did I know how to label my feelings. Every emotion that came to the surface was previously supressed. I was happy to finally put closure to that chapter of my life but I didn’t know that time alone could not erase the hurt or the pain I felt.

Believing I had closed that door of the mystery of my absent father, I was ready to embrace the new and improved, Janice Simone. Imagine my confused state-of-mind, when I received a message telling me that my father is not dead: "He's alive and wants to connect with you."  I didn’t believe the person who said that! How could I? They were just trying to confuse me. Finally, I have come to terms with the fact that I will never get to experience a father-daughter relationship with my biological father and then this? No, the enemy is trying to mess with my mind.

I chose to believe what my mother had told me and I rejected that message. I continued living my life until one of the offspring of the person in question got in touch with me. That led to a siblingship test which was inconclusive. The results forced me to get intouch with the person in question and eventually a paternity DNA test was carried out.

Update on Finding My Birth Father:

I can now share with you that I have the facts about my birth father whose name I never wore. The details were proven by a DNA test in February 2022.  To say I was in shock receiving that result would be an understatement. It took me a little while to process. I went missing in action (MIA) for a while (I still am MIA in many ways). It felt like I didn’t know who I was anymore. I didn’t know who I could trust anymore.

That year, my world was thrown into chaos. It was an emotional roller-coaster with a difference. My emotions had been on several roller-coasters before but this time, something strange was happening. I was stuck at what I now call ‘grief station’ exhibiting a deep sadness that revealed itself in the form of anger whenerver I had to speak about the situation.

My complaints were numerous and that was when we (my husband and I) began entering enemy teritory. We began to notice our conversations becoming argumentative. We weren’t getting to the parts of those conversations where issues were being resolved. The emotional and mental pain I was experiencing was lacking the support needed. From then on, everything seemed like a very challenging up-hill battle.

I was trying to climb a mountain that seemed impossible, without the right support. I so desperately needed someone who understood my pain to hold my hand and walk me through a step by step plan of action or at least someone who had empathy for me to sit with me in making sense of it all.

The more I thought about the DNA result, the more confused I became learning that person was actually my birth father. It was someone I knew! I spent sixteen years of my life growing up in the same community as this man. He would have known that I was searching for my father and he allowed me to spend years chasing after the wind. That made me angry.

He chose to stay hidden in plain sight. My mind just could not fathom how a father could leave his daughter without covering for 50 years. I was his firstborn! He knew I was his, yet he did nothing to claim me as his own. So it confused me even more, trying to understanding how he expected to enter into a father-daughter relationship at this stage of our lives.

It baffles me, him trying to connect without the bear minimum of acknowledging the part he played in me growing up without a father, without an apology alongside an explanation for the missing years.

I could not come to terms with how he allowed my mother to suffer the consequences of his actions while he continued as if nothing had happened. He neglected his responsibilities, abandoned me and never showed up as a father for my entire life.

A relationship has not been established with either my birth father or my siblings, so I still crave the love of my Dad. His actions, since connecting with him, helps me to understand that I may never be able to develop a healthy relationship with him. Therefore, that may remain an unfulfilled dream.

Nevertheless, I am happy that God heard and answered my heart's prayer of: 'Show me the father!’  I can now put the missing pieces of the puzzle together.

"I call on the Lord in my distress,
    and he answers me."

Psalm 120:1

End of Part 3.

>>>Continue reading part 4 of Celebrating 20 Years With FaithWriters

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