Humor

Where Do All My Nasal Fluids Come From?

by James Snyder 
10/05/24
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I am finally, in what I think is the last phase of my recent health confusion. My nose is dripping, and I think I use at least one box of tissues daily.

I did not know I had so much of this in my body, and I am not exactly sure where it came from.

When I was young, I remember having a bad case of this kind of thing, and I asked my mother, "Mom, where does all my snot come from?"

I had never seen my mother as angry as she was then. She looked at me and growled, "Son, I never want to hear you say that word again. We do not use the word 'snot' in our house. We use the phrase, 'nasal fluids'. If you ever say the word ‘snot’, you will be in more trouble than you have ever been in your life. Do you understand me?"

Well, to be honest, I didn't quite understand what she was talking about, but you always listen to your mother, right?

Several weeks later, I was having the same situation, and I said, "Mom, where does all my sn… whoops, I mean my nasal fluids come from?"

She was quite generous, forgave me, and was happy I remembered what she said. I will never know where she came up with the phrase "nasal fluids."

I haven't thought of that for a long time, but it came back to my memory just this week. I'm unsure how the word snot compares with the phrase nasal fluids. I sort of think my mother came up with that phrase because I don't know anybody else who has ever used it.

But as I was thinking about this, I had yet to find out where my nasal fluids came from. This past week, my nose was running like Niagara Falls. With all that nasal fluid coming out of me, I must try to figure out where it comes from. If it comes from me, why isn't there a limit?

If nasal fluids were gold, I would be very wealthy by now. Unfortunately, they are not gold, and I am not wealthy.

This phenomenon makes it very difficult to go out in public. I'm sneezing, and my nose is running all the time. To go out, I have to take a half-dozen boxes of tissues. Even then, I have to be quick on the draw.

Everybody has this kind of problem, but I don't care; it's what I'm facing that matters to me. I have to take care of my own nose, and that's a fact with my hands up.

When I think I've mastered my nose and nasal fluids, I take a deep breath, and before I'm done, that fluid is running out of my nostril faster than ever before. What does it take to satisfy my nose?

It's too bad my mother isn't around. She's in a nursing home and suffers from dementia, so I couldn't ask her anyway. She would not remember. But if I can get back to my mother when I was a teenager, maybe I could find out from her what this nasal fluid is all about.

I have reached the point where I don't feel the fluid flowing out of my nostril. Because of that, I don't know if it's running down my face and dripping off my chin. What an embarrassing situation that is.

As always, The Gracious Mistress of the Parsonage has somewhat of a solution for my dilemma.

One morning, she looked at me and said, "Why don't you wear a mask? Nobody will see anything about that because everybody is familiar with masks these days."

This is the most brilliant thing she's ever told me. I never thought of wearing a mask, which would prevent people from seeing what's going on behind the mask.

Nobody would notice me because many people still wear masks, and I would fit right in.

One day, I tried it, and it seemed to work, except when I got home and took off the mask, it was filled to overflowing with my nasal fluid. How all of that stayed in my mast without overflowing is something I'll never know. But at least nobody could see I was wrestling with this kind of problem.

Recently, I have been taking about a half-dozen masks when I go anywhere. I try to change my mask every hour, at least. That way, my nasal fluids do not overflow my mask, and nobody sees my problem.

Being able to cover up a problem, especially my problem is a challenge.

I must confess that I’m not very good at covering up any of my problems. No matter how much I try, the Gracious Mistress of the Parsonage can always see through my endeavors.

My biggest challenge is dealing with the world. There is one verse that gives me comfort and encouragement. “For whatsoever is born of God overcometh the world: and this is the victory that overcometh the world, even our faith. Who is he that overcometh the world, but he that believeth that Jesus is the Son of God?” (1 John 5:4-5).

My faith in Jesus Christ is what enables me to overcome the world around me. When I try to do this by my own cleverness, guess what? I always fail. My great challenge is to trust God when any problem comes my way.