Humor

Who Doesn’t Like Baloney?

by James Snyder 
02/17/24
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When I was young, my favorite sandwich was the baloney sandwich. Sometimes, with cheese and other things, but most importantly, baloney. I can’t imagine what my childhood would have been like without those bologna sandwiches. Until I went to school, I thought my mother had invented the baloney sandwich.

My mother even prepared bologna sandwiches for my school lunch. Just about every boy in my class had baloney sandwiches for their lunch. I remember we would trade around and eat each other’s baloney sandwiches. If there was a sandwich contest, nobody really won because the baloney sandwich is a reward in itself. It’s hard to find a better lunch.

It’s been a long time since I’ve had a simple baloney sandwich for lunch. The Gracious Mistress of the Parsonage is a culinary expert specializing in making delicious meals. The simple baloney sandwich would not necessarily be on her menu.

Sometimes, the simple things in life are the best things.

We were talking about something the other night. I’m not sure if it was politics or sports, but I expressed my opinion as clearly as possible. When I was through, The Gracious Mistress of the Parsonage just looked at me momentarily and said, “You do know that you’re full of baloney?”

At that point, I didn’t know if she was complimenting or criticizing me. From my point of view, baloney would be a high compliment. I did not pursue that then, but just let it go. An important lesson I have learned is that there are times just to let things go. This was one of those times.

Last week, I thought about pulling a little prank on her. I don’t know what I was thinking but I waited until she was in her craft room. I walked in and began looking around. Believe me, there is a lot to look at, and I’m not sure what I was looking at.

“What are you doing in here? Are you looking for something?”

Looking at her with a serious glare, I said, “I was just thinking that maybe I could come and help you organize your craft room. I have a lot of ideas of how you can make this a better organized craft room.”

The fact that I was in the craft room was a project in itself. If I ever went in there alone, I probably would get lost and never be found until she came into the craft room herself. If there ever is a time when I seem to disappear, just look in her craft room.

I then began to tell her some of the things I would do to help reorganize her craft room.

She just sat there staring at me with one of “her stares,” and just let me go on talking.

When I finished, I looked at her, smiled, and said, “So, what do you think?”

“What do I think?” responded The Gracious Mistress of the Parsonage. “Let me tell you what I think. I think you are full of baloney. I do not need any help organizing my craft room, especially from you.”

I graciously left the craft room smiling and headed for my easy chair to enjoy my prank.

For me to reorganize her craft room would’ve been so far over the moon that I was starting to think I really was full of baloney.

A few days later, I was working in my office, and she stepped in for a moment and began looking all around at my bookshelves. For a few moments, all she did was look around at my books. Then she said, “I think I can help you reorganize your office here.”

At that point, I didn’t really know what to say because I did not need any help reorganizing my books. I looked at her and said, “Do you think I’m full of baloney?”

She laughed at me and said, “Yes, I do think you’re full of baloney.” And then she left the office laughing and went back into the kitchen.

It’s amazing that we both live in our own worlds. Her craft room is at one end of the house, and my office and library are at the other end of the house, and the twain never shall meet.

I had to think about that for some time because, after 53 years of marital bliss, we have never had a major conflict. Oh yes, there is the Apple Fritter and broccoli issue that still continues. But that’s about as bad as it ever got.

I wouldn’t say this to her, but I’m kind of thinking that might it might be that my baloney is one of the secrets of our good marriage. After all, what else is there?

The best celebration we could ever have, in my opinion, is a bologna sandwich lunch. That would make my day, but I’m not sure she could handle all that baloney. Then, of course, she’s handled me for 53 years. If she can handle that much baloney, she can handle anything.

I then thought of a verse of scripture on this subject. “Can two walk together, except they be agreed?” (Amos 3:3).

Thinking of this, it occurred to me how important agreeing really is in all relationships. Yes, there are certain things to disagree about. But, the key is what do we really agree about. Those things we agree on will establish a relationship of unity.