Marriage

Silver Streams and Rocky Roads

by Denise Pienaar
11/17/22
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Joy Packer, a South African author, once said, 'Marriage - any marriage, is a high roof.' I found this to be true. I lost my husband to cancer in November 2019. My marriage had consisted of many rocky, dusty roads - but there had also been times of cool rivers and silver streams. Ours had ultimately stood the test of time. But it had taken hard work and sacrifice to prevent our marriange from being one of those that would come crashing down from Joy Packer's 'high roof'. 
This is our story.

I clearly remember the day we said, “I do”, and began our journey together that would span across four decades. It was over 40 years ago and today you are no longer with us. It has not been easy to continue without you, but the memories are precious and I will treasure them forever. 

We'd had big dreams of an idyllic life together: 2 perfect children – preferably a boy and a girl, a perfect house with magnificent sea views, lots of money (of course), and plenty of holidays and overseas trips. In fact, everything would be just wonderful!

But life isn’t like that and tends to give us what we need, rather than what we want! No one gets a free ride. Not in this life. But that was a lesson we were yet to learn.

On 4 October 1980, we looked into each other's eyes with love as we made the solemn promise before God: to have and to hold, from this day forward, to love and to cherish, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, as long as we both shall live.

Old age, if we gave it a thought at all, was light years away and would consist of us watching the sunset and sipping wine while our adoring and exceptionally well-behaved grandchildren sat at our feet, listening with rapt attention to our stories of by-gone days. I, of course, would remain slim and sylph-like, and would mature gracefully and with dignity, while Jacques’ jet-black hair would fade to a distinguished grey, which would enhance, rather than detract from his good looks. (Baldness wasn’t an option!)

Needless to say…. None of that happened! (Even Jacques' hair stubbornly refused to go grey, or even to grow thin on top!)

With age comes wisdom and the understanding that the trials and hardships of life are what enable us to grow and draw closer to God, and to each other. I am proud to say, that did happen!

Walking the rocky road of marriage and child-rearing, requires grit, determination, perseverance, and sheer hard work.

As we travelled the dry and dusty highways and byways of life, we often thought with longing of the cool, blue oceans, the sparkling streams and the golden sunshine of our youth. And then, every so often, quite suddenly and unexpectedly, we would turn a corner, and find ourselves in an oasis of green trees and blue waters – different from the waters of our courtship, of course. But equally refreshing and delightful to bathe in.

Along the way there was joy and laughter, anguished tears, mild disagreements and sometimes bitter arguments. But most of all there was love. An abiding and enduring love that grows out of life’s worries, cares, and difficulties.

Jacques, my angel, I am honoured to have been your wife. Thank you for working so hard and diligently all your life, and doing it uncomplainingly, for the sake of your family. It is thanks to you that we have a roof over our heads, food in our stomachs and warm, comfortable beds to sleep in. Thank you for being my rock and my support. Thank you for putting up with me and loving me, warts and all. Thank you for being you!

Your life was cruelly cut short by the dreaded cancer, but the memories we made together and the love that we shared, will remain forever.

In loving memory
Jacques Pienaar 
14.10.1951 - 7.11.2019