Testimonies

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Violette has just graduated from UCLA with a degree in mathematics. She's 30 years old and works as a bank teller part-time while looking for work as a teacher. Violette is also celebrating five years of being in Christ and while she she's still growing in grace, she shows some signs of maturity.


Violette has been dating this nice guy named Paul for about five years. He seems like the boy next door--kind, helpful, humorous, handsome and a Christian. The problem is that he has a problem with committment to women. See, when he was in college he dated a young lady who he thought was godly and who wanted to establish a godly family. But she walked out on him without telling him goodbye. As a result he's afraid to get serious with Violette, even though he knows she loves him very much. Just last Thanksgiving he proposed to her but later called it off. He did this three more times and Violette is beginning to get discouraged. What will become of this couple?


This morning Violette got dressed and cleaned her kitchen. As she mopped the floor, she thought about her relationship with Paul. "I should've been married by now. Why won't Paul commit to me? I understand his fears, but I'm not the girl who left him. I pray that God will reveal to him and myself whether we should remain together. It could be that he needs to deal with the pain of rejection from his past", she said. Minutes later her brother Kenneth stopped by. "Hey, Sis! How you're doing?", he asked. "I'm feeling okay and I'll feel better when Paul and I can resolve our problems. We'll never be married", answered Violette. "You have to let God have His way in Paul's life. Paul is not ready for a serious relationship right now because he feels that you will hurt him just like the other lady did years ago. Until God shows him the truth, there's nothing you can do now. Just continue to wait on God and be friends with Paul", replied Kenneth. "I need to hear that but it's so hard to accept. We've been friends since childhood and we dated for five years. I wonder what I did wrong to him", said Violette. "Don't put yourself down, Violette. Just remain strong in Christ.", smiled Kenneth as he hugged her.

A few hours later she went out to lunch with some co-workers. "Why don't you dump that jerk? He obviously fears committment. He uses women. Some Christian he is", said a co-worker. "He wants to keep you hanging on, girl", laughed another co-worker. "That's not true. He's been hurt before and I understand why he doesn't want to jump into marriage", replied Violette. "Paul is not the only Christian guy in the world. You gotta stop limiting yourself and date a variety of men", added a co-worker.


Meanwhile Paul sat in his bedroom and pondered his relationship with Violette. He thought about how they conducted singles' Bible studies together, visited museums and restaurants together, and how they both shared their desire for marriage and family. But he's afraid to take this step. Paul loves Violette very much and admitted that he wants to marry her one day. It's almost as if demands perfection in himself and his relationship. He just can't let his guard down. "I know that Violette is the only woman for me but why can't I commit to her in marriage? This is what she deserves", he said to himself. Afterwards he went to talk with the Christian counselor in his neighborhood.

As Paul discussed his problems, the counselor told him, "I know how hard it is for you to trust women but you need to let forgiveness take place in your heart towards that other lady. Until you do this, you will equate her with Violette, who obviously loves you very much. And it's not fair to her. As her brother in Christ, you are defrauding her because you keep stalling in your committment to her while she's thinking you want a marriage."

Later that night, Violette left a phone message for Paul. "I'd like for us to be just friends for now because I don't think you're ready for marriage. I still believe that God can unite us again but for now I'll give you the space you need for God to work in your life. I love you, bye."



About two years later, Paul and Violette's relationship began anew. He still gets counseling but is taking things slower than before. He and Violette are getting into God's Word more and praying for God's will,not for their relationship. "If God wants us together, praise God", Violette said. Paul learned to trust Violette and in turn she began to assist him in his personal spiritual growth.

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