Short Dramas and Plays

The Termite Vigilante

by Terry Barlow
11/12/20
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Tim the termite and pest man sat perched in his company van facing the oncoming traffic and scrutinized each passing car, gauging their speed as best he could. He was determined to stamp out the lawlessness he had been witnessing over last several months. It had definitely been getting worse: the blatant speeding, the reckless weaving between lanes, the utter neglect of turn signals, the loud racing engines without mufflers. It was time someone stepped up to make a difference and bring some kind of order to this chaos.. 
  He had rigged up his van so that, with the flick of a switch, the painting of the termite on the hood would spring into action with flashing blue lights in the eye sockets of the termite alerting the guilty drivers to pull over. At last someone gunned their vehicle in the passing lane making the other drivers appear to be standing still. This was his opportunity, he swung around, stomped on the gas and almost before he knew it his little van was in hot pursuit and beginning to gain on the offender. 
Within about seven minutes he had swept his way through the traffic, and managed to arrive at the speeder's rear bumper gesturing wildly for him to pull over as he flicked on the flashing blue termite eyes.
The speeder couldn't believe his eyes. He squinted his eyes and scratched his head then shook it from side to side. "This can't really be happening" Is that a termite van on my tail? No way!" 
 Tim continued riding his bumper and all the while making a whining whirring sound out the open window.  He hadn't been able to obtain an actual siren, so this was his way of mimicking one, which he had become adept at doing. with his voice with much practice.  The driver accelerated sharply thinking he would just leave Tim in the dust, but not so, the termite van responded with more acceleration power of its own than expected. Next he laid on his horn thinking he might startle Tim and escape him that way. It was no use, Tim was undeterred. Next the driver made a sharp right hand turn but Tim followed abruptly as though attached to his bumper and finally cut him off dangerously on the side road. The driver then leaped out of his car but Tim was already at his door and pinned him to the side of his own car, although he was much taller than Tim. Tim was a former wrestler in high school and very strong for his size. "You're under citizen's arrest!!" Screamed Tim. "Don't be ridiculous, you're a termite employee!" "But I AM a citizen, and you are a pest to civilized society, worse than a termite! Worse by far! You eat a way at our law and order!"  "But you don't even have a 🔫 gun!"  "No, but I have this termite spray!" And he began waving it in front of his victim

 "Here, I'll give you a sample!" With that he began spraying the man in the face and he fell to his knees. "I don't believe this!" He whimpered. "I just don't believe this!"   "You will when I do this." Tim got the man in a half nelson and shoved and forced him into the back of his van and slapping on  some old handcuffs he had been saving for such a time. "I'm taking you to the police station."

The man was still stunned from the spray, but managed to blurt out, "That's exactly where I want to be right now, you maniac!"

"Fine!" Said Tim. "That's just fine, pest to our community, cause that's where you belong!" Tim sped off in the afternoon toward the nearest police station, flicking on the flashing termite eyes for good measure and full effect. He was going to be in for a surprise when he got there, but that didn't matter to the moment. He was in "hog heaven" at that moment as the saying goes, in his full glory, fulfilling his imagined purpose and calling as the consummate termite vigilante.