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One of my favorite Bible text is Proverbs 31. Recently, I heard someone wishing that there were a "Man of Proverbs 32." And I have more than once heard feminists resenting the fact that the text focuses on women; they interpret it as unfair and akin to a command to wives to be subservient to their husbands. But, actually woven in those verses, I think that we are given a very good picture of what a virtuous, godly man is supposed to be like.
First, we are told the advice concerning the finding of a godly wife is given by a mother to her son. It is logical to infer that this mother is a godly woman herself, thus her advice bears credibility and has great impact.
Second, this son is a king. Interestingly there is no other reference to a King Lemuel in the Bible. In Jewish tradition, he is assumed to be Solomon, but really there is no evidence of that. What we do know is that "Lemuel" means "belonging to God." In view of this, I propose that King Lemuel is a personification of any young man come into a position of responsibility, authority, and power. By extension this applies to young men in general, just starting in life, empowered by their talents, diplomas, and freshly acquired independence from their parents; and more specifically Christian young men, who would listen to an elder's advice about finding a spouse for life.
Given the first admonition, Lemuel is, at that point, much like Prince Hal in Shakespeare's play Henry IV, sowing his wild oats and here his godly mother is calling him to attention, reminding him of the do's and don'ts of being a virtuous man:
Don’t's:
- Don't mix with women of no virtue;
- Don't drink; it alters the mind and leads to commit injustices
Do's:
- Be the voice of justice; stand up for what is right
- Help the poor and those in need
- Find a godly wife
The first thing I find striking here is that the Do's offer a direct solution to the don'ts. Indeed the man who has a loving wife whom he loves and trust has no time for mistresses or prostitutes.
Now let's take closer look at Lemuel
A young man. Freshly come to the throne (no father mentioned, but still has his mother).
Has been acting foolishly. He is capable of listening to good advice and becoming all that God has equipped him to be, again similar to Prince Hal who becomes a great ruler when he becomes king, as Shakespeare shows us in Henry V.
So in what ways is this man a perfect match for the Woman of Proverbs 31?
- He has a job (whether king or shepherd matters little); he knows his duties and responsibilities
- He is a believer, which is why he pays attention to the godly advice of his mother
- He respects his mother and values her advice
- Although a man in a position of authority, he is not too proud to listen to a woman, which infers that he values wisdom, not a false sense of superiority attached to gender.
Starting at verse 10, we have a description of a godly wife, but through it we also get further a description of a godly man and husband:
- He has complete trust in his wife, which means that not only she is trustworthy, but that he is fully aware and appreciative of it.
- Because he is able to trust her, he enables her fully, giving her free range of choices and actions, even land investments –something few today thought was done by women in the past.
- He gives her complete control of the home front (which obviously means considerably more that the kitchen and children) while he focuses himself on the outside front (i.e. see the "Do's " above,being the voice of justice, standing up for what is right and helping those in need, which apply to any job from carpenter to physician and from professor to street sweeper by the way!); but really the two work together in complete understanding and harmony, which infers that they are fully open and attuned to each other.
Note that while he looks after the welfare of those in need in the public sphere, she does the same from the home sphere, (verse 20: "She extends her hand to the poor").
- He talks freely with his wife and treats her as an equal and valuable partner, which means that when he is in his public role, making decisions with the elders, his words carry in equal measure the wisdom of his wife; her input is included in his.
- He fully supports his wife's decisions; no micromanaging on his part.
- He is proud of her and secured in his marriage, which gives both of them happiness and completeness, but is also a testimony before others (Cf. verse 23 he is "known at the gates".)
- He encourages his children to value their mother, planting the seed in his sons that, when time comes, they, too, should seek to marry godly women, and in his daughters that they should emulate her.
- He loves her and tells her so often, never refraining from heartfelt praise.
So, really Proverbs 31 may focus on the qualities of a godly woman and wife, but like the two parts of a diptych, it offers a great deal of information on what characterizes a godly man and husband. The two are truly one, like the two sides of a coin. Not only do they complete each other, but without one, it is impossible to have the other.
There is no power struggle between them, no inferior/superior relationship. Just as men and women are equals in the eyes of God, equals in salvation, equals in his love, and equally empowered by Him, a true Christian marriage is based on equality of love, trust, respect. Godly spouses encourage, enable, strengthen each other, are secured in the love that make them one, the purpose they share, each contributing his or her talents, and the equal and complementary value of their respective roles, both within the family and within the society in which they live.
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