1 Peter 5:7 Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.
From last year to April this year, I went through some difficult times. Countless tears and frustrations but something got me going. The fear was swirling around me and felt so much emotional pain. I was emotionally upset and I felt more negative thoughts were crushing my spirit. I wanted a way out. It was a test of faith and surrender.
At the beginning, I didn't surrender to God my worries and my mind was so fogged that I couldn't even think about His promises or stand in faith. Questioning myself, how did I become like this? I thought I was a burden and failure.
As a solution to suppress my pain, my comfort was in food than God. Anytime when I was upset or when thoughts crawled on my mind, I would just want to eat. I ate without even thinking if this is healthy for me. All I wanted was to be content with food. It was the most foolish thing to do but at that time was right.
During the lent time, my pastor was talking about breakthrough and how fasting breaks the chains around you. He encouraged all at church to fast and pray for their breakthrough. At that time, I did receive what he said and I wanted to follow it but my mind was fogged. I could only think about what I should eat to avoid the pain. Trust me, this is was such a disrespect before God. I as a daughter of Christ should be running to God for help instead it was food. I was hurt inside so much and angry that I didn't allow God to work in me. I couldn't focus on the ministry God put in my heart to write blogs and be a intercessor for Him. I lost touch with my own self.
I must say before I continue part 2. God was so patient and kind. He didn't give up on me even if I didn't go to Him for help. I knew He was watching over me but I was so foolish that I didn't ask Him to intercede. But He's always a good Father.