Dixie Lee Green 500 words
Resting in Peace
My Dad was dying. His time on earth was ending and wavering emotions of hopelessness filled my every breath. Cancer had leisurely destroyed his body, despite the many prayers recited over and over for his healing. The disease had stripped him of his love of woodworking, as well as eradicating his days of fishing and gardening.
My simple “I love you Dad,” seemed empty as I stood trembling beside his bed, knowing that perhaps this conversation would be our last. There was an uncomfortable ambiance in the room, as I tearfully bent down to where he lay and gently hugged him. We had spent the last couple days celebrating his 76th birthday and it all seemed senseless.
“It was a wonderful birthday,” he acknowledged, his tears emphasizing his meek comment. I searched my brain for some intellectual bits of wisdom. What do I say, I asked myself, realizing how pathetic I must have appeared. But then in that awkward moment of silence, my Dad, amidst slow tears, shared words of peace and strength to me!
“Do you ever get angry with God,” he had abruptly asked, temporarily suspending my tears, as I blurted out the wrath which had rested on my heart. His words then brought pain to my thoughts as he talked about how he had had plans, how he had special items he was going to make in his workshop and how they were torn and discarded, never to be. I sensed a tinge of anger as he described the selling of their home and most of their possessions in response to this crippling disease which had slowly stolen his life. I grabbed his clenched hand, praying my touch would give him strength and peace, yet despite the anger peace radiated through me! My mind was not prepared for the words that had come next.
“Dixie,” he had started, using his soft fatherly voice, “we have to sometimes forgive God. We cannot be offended as we don’t always understand why God does what he does, but he sees all, as he holds the whole picture of our lives in his hands.”
I was stunned, as I pondered his words. Forgive God?
In that awkward moment I realized that despite my Dad knowing his prayers for healing had not been answered, his trust had not been wavered. What compelling faith! As an overwhelming rain of tears flowed freely down my face he had gently squeezed my hand and with an aura of peace, he asked, that if there was anything that he wanted me to remember, it was Proverbs 3:5-6, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. . .”(NIV).
I hugged him one last time, realizing that my Dad, who lay on death’s bed, had given ME hope! He hadn’t understood why God had not healed him, but he had ACCEPTED his plan and was telling me to do the same.
“Trust God,” he had whispered, “and peace will find you.”
Dixie Lee Green
Orris Green went home May 21, 2012