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Open Letter To Jesus Bar-Joseph

TO: Jesus Bar-Joseph
Bar-Joseph Woodworks, Inc.
Nazareth
Galilee, Judea, Empire of Rome

FROM: The Brotherhood of United Pharisee, Inc. #7734
Temple of Solomon
1 Solomon Drive
Judea, Empire of Rome

Dear Jesus of Nazareth:

This is to acknowledge the receipt of the thirteen applications you submitted for Rabbi Licensure for your new religious organization. You and all of your followers have completed our battery of personality inventories, intelligence and aptitude tests, and Rabbinic Historical Knowledge Test (RHKT). Our final step will be to schedule personal interviews for each of you with our team of psychologists, Scribes, Pharisees, Sadducees and Vocational Specialists.

After reviewing your application and the applications of your twelve followers, it is the opinion of professional staff, you and the majority of your followers are lacking in educational, vocational training and suitable personalities for ministerial careers. We find that you and your followers do not seem to have appropriately learned the team concepts, acquired sufficient Scriptural knowledge nor have enough managerial experience necessary for a 501 (c) (3).

We find the following, Mr. Bar-Joseph about you and your followers. You were found to have changed water into wine at a marriage in Cana. This is in violation of Judean Kosher Liquor Laws for which you were fined 800 denarii. Our records show you still owe 321 denarii in fines and court costs. When can we expect full payment? Simon Peter is emotionally unstable, cusses, given to fits of temper outbursts and suffers from a Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and Paranoia. Andrew has absolutely no leadership qualities, cusses too much, and has citations for vagrancy throughout Judea. The two brothers, James and John, the son of Zebedee, lack integrity, place personal interest above company loyalty in their previous employment, have juvenile records longer than the human arm. Thomas (the twin) demonstrates a questioning attitude that tends to undermine morale, has trouble managing his anger and has a Type A personality because he works on the Sabbath. We feel that it is our duty to inform you that Matthew has been blacklisted by the Brotherhood of Jewish Tax Collectors for overtaxing Judean residents, maintaining houses of ill repute and for just being a party animal. James, the son of Alphaeus, and Thaddeus are drunks. Lastly, we find John suffers from schizophrenia, a Bipolar Disorder, Multiple Personality Disorder and talks about seeing and talking to God Himself!!! We suggest an institution for John immediately before he kills someone!!!!

One of your followers demonstrates great possibilities! He has demonstrated an Intelligence Quotient of 190 on the Stanford-Binet Intelligence Test and Woodcock-Johnson Intelligence Test. Meaning he is gifted intellectually. According to the Minnesota Multiphrasic Personality Inventory (MMPI), he has a superb business mind, interacts well with people and is a member of 10 business, social and synagogue organizations. We recommend Judas Iscariot lead your ministry until you pay your fine and complete your divinity degree program that we understand you have yet to begin. We will withhold your certification as a Rabbi until these requirements are completed.

We wish you abundant success in your future endeavor!



Respectfully yours,



Caiaphas
High Priest
License No. 101
Brotherhood of United Pharisee #7734


PS To keep in contact with us go to: www.pharisee.com/rabbi
Have a great day!

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