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Open up wide and say
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"Open up wide and say..... "
by dj eckert
AAAAAHH! All the blood and the white robes and the snake on a stick.
AAAAAHH ! the Hippocratic oath to not make us more sick.
AAAAAHH ! the beautiful giant Temple where the great Knowledge reigns,
filled with humble Ministers that the great #FIZER trained.
AAAAAHH ! The sacred Blue Cross, and the holy Blue Shield, we worship THEM faithfully out of our biweekly yield.
I wait patiently in the tiny room , nervously contemplating all my sin.
Finally the door pulls back ,and the white robed Priest hastily strides in.
"Bless me DOCTOR , for I have sinned, its been six months since my last appointment."
"My sins are this : I eat way too many Whoppers, and I hate going to the DOCTOR. I'm also still smoking those devilish CANCER sticks, and I dont get up off the couch, not hardly a lick."
"For these and many more of my sins which I truly abhor, I know YOU will read them from my blood YOU acquire at the mercy seat down on the first floor.
I am very ,very ! sorry and vow next time to try more. "
Perusing my sanctum but damning, all telling folder .
Pulling HIS pen from HIS lips , and then tapping HIS brow, scratching each shoulder, HE unwittingly tells me : " my son,you are absolved. "
"I see your bp is down , but your weight is still up, try to eat more Mcsallads when your taking your supp. "
"Your last pennance of Lopressor must have done you some good.LET'S see now if WE can't get your cholesterol back to where it should."
With a quick flick of HIS unpocketed pen,and stroking HIS chin, HE begins to scribble on HIS holy pad with a self- pious bored grin.
" For Your pennance you need to take 30 Zyban, and 30 Zocor, and yes you should keep on taking those Lopressors , maybe even a bit more."
"Helping out your spiritual body,it is really such a pleasure,
Here, LET'S throw in 30 zanax, just for good measure."
"Coming back and seeing ME next month would be wise.
Remember to stop at the receptionist's desk to pay US your tithe."
" You know, you need to stop sinning ,so that evil demon CANCER doesn't take your wonderful body ,oh so sublime;
Or.... We'll have no choice but to perform that sacrificial rite, where chemo is the bread ,and radiation is the wine."
The door quickly pulls back, and the Priest HE dissapears, with HIS fearfull words of great wisdom still ringing in my ears.
As I meander slowly through the Sacred ,hallowed halls I hear the faint ,yet thankful celebratory calls:
"Hooray, hooray, hooray! praise and thanks to the great #FIZER. for IT'S weekly heavenly banquet , we feast, on it today.!"
I FINALLY stumble from the Temple, new redemptive script in hand.
Thanking allopathic prophets Carnegie and Flexner for their soul saving plan.
PLEASE ENCOURAGE AUTHOR BELOW
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