Communication

Just Thinking

by Ramona Cook 
09/05/15
Free to Share
Author requests article critique

  Message Writer
  Hire Writer

Tweet

I noticed today that a person I love dearly is very difficult to spend time with, because she looks for many things said in conversation to be directed toward her and as a judgment on her.

I have wondered why, in past times of fellowshipping,  that I would often feel that I needed to explain some  comment I had made, but I did not understand why because I wasn't  thinking about  her or her situation when I made the comment.  It has perplexed me so often because I could not figure why the conversation turns to her and the reasons why she did this or that.

Today I was speaking about my grandson, eighteen years old, who has just purchased a almost new car.  His payments are high, as is everyone's who buys on credit and new.  I said that I loved my car because while it is older, it is paid for;  and immediately we began to talk about why she bought her new car even though the payments are sky high.  She seemed to feel that she needed to validate her decision, and in doing so seemed sulky.

I had not thought about her and the car she and her husband purchased.  I was focused on a teenager, who while employed,  does not have a really substantial income,  and that it would absorb a great part of his wages.   I had thought it would be better to buy an older but dependable car as a starter.  I was not comparing apples and oranges.  I had not evaluated her car purchase and certainly nothing I had said was to correct her in any way.

But, that is where we went. 

It seems this person is frequently  wondering if something someone said was a dig at her.  I know this is called "paranoia," and we should all examine ourselves to be certain that it is not a part of our thought processes.  It is destructive to the person who suffers with it and uncomfortable  to those with whom they associate.

The person about whom I am speaking  has been frequently criticized by her husband and also the children, now grown, for all the years of the marriage in which she is a part.  As I observe her I can see a person who knows she has great potential, but is fearful to step out.    I pray she will be delivered, and be confident about who she is in the Lord, and be confident also that He really likes her, and it doesn't matter who else does or doesn't like her.

So where am I going with this thought?

Here it is:

Let us all be careful what we say to people and say about people.  Our words absolutely do have weight, and if too many people gang up on a person, young,  or old,  or middle-aged, it can destroy their lives and make them intensely miserable and ineffective.  The Bible word is BONDAGE.  They can get stuck into the expected behaviors others have set for them, and may not be able to mentally/emotionally  break  away  from living out those expectations,  because they have internalized them.

We are all, each one, God's prize creation.  God wants us to celebrate each other, and help each other, especially those in our own house;  those in their own homes.

"Listen to others," we are told.  Could it be that we need to listen to what we say to our children and others in the household , and to our comrades in the work place , and to our friends?

Some people are irritating to us, but isn't it better to find positive things to say to them about themselves, and to give positive reports to other people about everyone?

It is not really an exercise in ignoring a problem.  It is reinforcing the good; then the person will begin to  respect  themselves and begin to blend in, because they feel worthy, acceptable.  They will build confidence and begin to be the person they really are; the person God made them to be.

What if you are yourself the abused person,  and you cannot get others to see you as you wish they did? 

Here is what I practice, and I teach those whom I teach to practice it also.  If anyone says something about me that I feel is incorrect, if they "lay berating nasty words on me" that I do not want, I say out loud enough for me to hear, "I DO NOT RECEIVE THAT, AND I DO NOT BELIEVE THAT."

What that exercise does is  to dispel the bad words from being absorbed by me into my mind and thoughts about myself.

 I also advise and practice  what Paul said, " Whatsoever things are of good report, whatever things are pure and holy, think on these things."  Philippians 4: 8   It is a discipline to learn. 

 Proverbs 4: 23;  "Your life is shaped by your thoughts..."  Think well of yourself and in being honest about what you think of yourself, you will become the person God made you to be.  

We too often over-guard  thinking well of ourselves because the Word tells us, " To not think too highly of ourselves." Romans 12: 3   But that verse does not advise us to demean ourselves,  nor to think of ourselves as low and useless.

Also beware of allowing other people to set the standard of abilities and activities of "older people."  Be who you are and do what you can do, and forget the standardized "normal."  My mother told me to not allow people to tell me how old I am; she said they would have you in a rocking chair ready to die at forty.

We are all a work in progress; God hasn't finished with any of us as yet, and we do need to be kind to each other.  Life at its best is often a rough road and we need kind words and wishes on the journey.

Children are especially damaged by the negative things said to them about themselves.  Be kind to the children,  'cause if you and I don't do that,  Jesus will be very displeased with us.  Matthew 18: 5-7

Ramona:  09/05/2015