Encouragement

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"If this is all there is, what's the point in living any longer, I might as well go on and kill myself....if this is all there is."
No, I have not been counseling with someone who is contemplating suicide.
This is a question I asked to myself, around the tender age of 21.
You see, I was born into a strong Christian family and all I was taught from childhood was, go to church, go to church, go to church, that Jesus is Lord and no matter what you're going through He still loves you.
Well ok, I get that, I get that a parent cares enough about you to teach you their faith and encourage you to believe that it is real, and "The Truth."
Still, I can't say I felt much, if any LOVE coming out of those in church, and so what did I do? As soon as I was old enough I left home, joined the Navy, shipped off to Viet Nam, and began, drinking like a sailor. My mouth became filled with the most vile and profane language you ever heard, and I could have given a crap less if you liked it or not. When alcohol wasn't enough I began using weed, hash, mescaline, opium, barbs, LSD, and any other drug you could drop, snort, eat, or shoot.
At 1st it was cool and the high's were out of this world exciting. I had good friends (homey's) that actually cared about me..(or so I thought) and I was loving the life. Then,there came a night when I dropped 6 double hits of yellow sunshine (LSD) in a quart of cheap Ripple (wine), and what usually took about 15 minutes to get off, 5 hours later I was still totally sober & straight. I thought what the heck? This dose can kill a person, and I didn't even get a rush? and before you think I got a bad batch, others were sharing my "toxic loaded wine" and got wiped out for 14 hours!
It was then that I started thinking "man, is this all there is?"
Well, I got out of the Navy, and came home to my family, you know, the Christian folks? I hide in my duffle bag a brick of weed to party with some folks I knew from the old neighborhood. We got high every night and went out dancing and partying, chasing women, and I thought ahhhhh man, life is just too cool.
One night, I came home early to my Mom's where I was living (at least till I could find my own place) and that same old question kept ringing in my ears,...."is this all there is to life?" I tried to blow it off, cause it was bugging me, but it got louder, so I sat at the kitchen table and Mom brought me something to eat. As I sat there, I realized that she had a reel to reel tape player (yeah I'm that old) going and it was Elvis singing gospel songs that my brother had recorded and sent her from Thailand.
At 1st I was irritated by the gospel music, and then it turned to being amused and sarcastic by it, and the old question was still calling to me, "Is this all there is?"
Elvis got to the song, "How great Thou art." and I actually started listening, wondering if it was true, and thinking, my Mom and my family definitely do have something I don't.... they have an inner peace, joy, and love that cannot be denied. For the 1st time since I was a child I started praying, but being the Mr. Bad Boy that I was, I prayed like I was pissed-off, I said, "OK God, I been taught all this stuff since I was a kid, now if you're really real then, SHOW ME, cuz if you ain't, I'm going to throw the bible someone gave me in the trash, and never believe in You again."
I was in-God's-face, and I want you to know, God don't get nervous by you getting in His face, for in the Bible He said, "come boldly before the throne of grace that You might find help in the time of trouble" and that's exactly what I did!!!!
I continued listening to the song and it got to the 2cd verse that says, "When Christ shall come, with shout of acclamation, and take me home, what joy shall fill my heart." It was that verse that caused me to break down and ask God if there was any hope for me? Not just because I was worried about going to hell, but because I had to have an answer to that question,,, "is this all there is?" I started to feel sadness for all the things I had done wrong to all the people I knew and yes to God himself and my heart broke and it was then that I asked Jesus to forgive me and come into my heart, I said to Him, "if you are really real, I want to know for myself and not because others say so, I want to know for myself, so will you show me Lord?"
Suddenly the room grew quiet, I couldn't even hear the music play anymore, and I sensed someone behind my back, and there began a flowing of like warm healing oil dripping down my head all the way to my feet. Inside me there was a bursting glow of incredible joy and gladness like I had never felt before, and it seemed to me that it lit up the whole house. I remember asking the presence or person behind my back, "It's You isn't Jesus?" and the sweetest, kindest, voice answered me and said, "Yes, it's Me, and I love you Wendell."
Wowwww, I freaked out, I was so excited I started shouting and telling my Mom I was SAVED, I wanted to tell the whole world, I wanted everyone to know what just happened to a funky, nut-job, bad-boy, filthy mouthed jerk like me, and that You can have it too!!
Mom knew what had happened, but she didn't try to stop me from going nuts, she just smiled a lot and let the Holy Ghost have His way with me till I was ready to calm down a bit. I never have since that day.
Why am I writing all this? Because it answered my question and it will answer yours too,,,, "Is this all there is?" The answer is NO, this life is NOT all there is, and before you do something stupid, I ask you to find out for yourself as I did..... Ask God if He is really real, tell him you just gotta know for yourself, and He Will answer you. Then repent of all you have done wrong, and ask Jesus to come into your heart and be Lord of your life. If you feel like you have tried everything else, try this and find the answers to all your questions.
It worked for me and it will work for you too for God doesn't care about your past, He cares about giving you a new life and a eternal future in Heaven.

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