Humor

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Of all the seasons in the year, summer has to be my favorite. I am reminded of an uncle of mine who, when asked what his favorite piece of pie was, always said, “The one I’m eating at the time.”

Maybe I have something of my uncle in me, I do not know. I just know that I love summer. It started back when I was a young boy and realized during summer I did not have to go to school.

Another aspect of summer is that it is usually the time when people take vacations. Although I am not big on vacations, I am not against them at all, particularly when it comes to my vacation.

It was right after Christmas when the Gracious Mistress of the Parsonage approached me and said, “What are we going to do for vacation this summer?”

I have been married long enough to know that that was simply a rhetorical question. It was her way of introducing the subject she had already decided upon.

Over the years, I have learned how to be a husband. It is too bad they do not teach that in high school, but you have to learn it on your own. Most men never really learn how to be a husband. If I were not so lazy, I would write a book on How to Be a Successful Husband. However, I am too busy doing nothing.

In response to my wife I said, “I don’t know. What do you have in mind?” Because, I knew she had something in mind and probably had it all planned out. I do not mind that, because it is less that I have to do. The only thing I have to do about the vacation is to come up with the “Cha Ching!”

“I was thinking…” this is always the beginning of problems in my direction. Whenever my wife gets to thinking, I know I am in trouble.

“I was thinking, maybe it would be nice for us to go to St. Augustine for a week this year. What do you think?”

Well, I do not think she really wants to know what I actually think. Nevertheless, I went along with her “thinking,” and told her what a great idea it was and I am all in. As far as I am concerned, a vacation is a vacation no matter where you go. I would rather go someplace where there is no stress and plenty of harmony, particularly in the motel room.

That was in the beginning of January. For the next six months, I heard little tidbits here and there about our, “wonderful vacation in St. Augustine.” I secretly smiled, knowing that all of the details were planned and prepared and I would not have to do anything.

As far as I am concerned, vacation is the whole idea of “vacating.” The thing I want to vacate is doing things.

I knew exactly why St. Augustine was our destination for our vacation this summer. The whole area is infested with “thrift shops.” I do not like to speak out of school, but someone in our house is addicted to thrift shops. I am not mentioning who, just that it is not me!

The time came for us to go on our vacation and the beautiful thing about it was, I did not even have to drive. My wife wanted to take her van because she had plans to visit every thrift shop in the county and bring her treasures back home.

I sat back in the van and enjoyed the ride.

We had a wonderful vacation and by that, I mean my wife visited every thrift shop in the county at least once.

Overall, it was a wonderful time of rest and relaxation. At least on my part. I would get up in the morning and she had already gone to some thrift shop, which meant that I was on my own, which can be a dangerous scenario.

My idea of a good vacation is getting in plenty of R&R (readin’ and ‘riting).

Our motel was not far from what is known as the Fountain of Youth. Every time I am in St. Augustine, I have a desire to go to the Fountain of Youth. Every time I dismissed the thought. What if it really worked? And what if my wife came with me?

I really do not want my wife to regain her youth because I can barely keep up with her now. Can you imagine the energy she would have for visiting thrift shops?

No, the Fountain of Youth is not in my plans, but may be the Swamp of Old Age. That is more my style.

Driving home from our vacation late Friday afternoon, someone in the van was very excited about the “treasures” she had discovered at St. Augustine. I was very excited that she was very excited because that makes for a happy house.

King Solomon, quite a connoisseur of women and wives, gave this advice, “Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies. The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil. She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life” (Proverbs 31:10-12).

Summer is a good time for vacation, especially if that vacation creates a happy house.

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