Christian Living

Heart Repair

by Janice S Ramkissoon 
02/03/15
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“..be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.” --Ephesians 4:32

Are you still bitter towards someone who is pleading for your forgiveness? If you are, then the only way to release your heart from that bitterness is by granting them your forgiveness.

“But I’m still hurting. How can I forgive someone I’m still mad at?”

If you asked that question then you’re not alone. Many have asked that question and many continue to ask the same question today. If you are reading this and asking the same question, the following points may be of interest to you:

Bitterness destroys the vessel in which it is contained

The heart is the place where bitterness is buried. The bitterness first contaminates the heart and then it does its destructive work. Bitterness is a toxic substance that feeds off hate-filled thoughts. The more food it receives the bigger it grows and the more damage it does.

If someone hurts you ‘nip it in the bud’ and try to resolve it as soon as possible. Like weeds in our garden or on our lawn, we might cut off the green, bushy stuff we see on top and try to keep the lawn or garden looking good—free of weeds. The problem with weeds: they spring right back up again.

A similar process takes place in our hearts when we allow bitterness to be buried there. Bitterness, like weeds, must be uprooted in order to control the growth process taking place. That process can be difficult but it is worth the challenge to gain your freedom. Ephesians 4:31-32 warns: “Get rid of all bitterness, passion and anger. No more shouting or insults, no more hateful feelings of any sort. Instead, be kind and tender-hearted to one another, and forgive one another, as God has forgiven you through Christ” (GNB).

What then must we do to de-contaminate?

Search for it: My recommendation is to find out the issue(s) causing the problem and deal with it. Therefore, it is necessary to search for it, in order to get the process started. Getting to the root of any issue is the first step towards freedom from being controlled by bitterness. That will take us one step closer to being able to forgive. If we cannot find it, we must ask our Creator to show it to us. I had to pray and fast before the root of my pain was revealed to me with regards to parental neglect. Matthew 7:7 tells us to, “Keep on asking, and you will be given what you asked for.” I can testify that it works.

Deal with it: When we find the cause of our bitterness, we must deal with it. It may be painful confronting those issues but unless they are dealt with, the bitterness will continue to do serious damage. ‘Sweeping it under the carpet’, pretending it doesn’t exist or that we don’t think about it, is only a false way of dealing with it. It will begin to control us. That is why we are encouraged in Ephesians 4:31 to, “Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander as well as all types of evil behaviour.”

Be patient: That’s a segment of the ‘Fruit of the Spirit’ that must be exercised when dealing with conflict. Dealing with the issue doesn’t mean that we will get the result we expected straight away (in some cases we don’t get it at all). So we must practice patience—Wait for it. Healing is a process. The victim as well as the perpetrator needs healing. There may be regrets, embarrassment, confusion or disappointment. Emotions will distort views and therefore each individual will need space and time to allow the process to be completed. The timing depends on the depth of the hurt. The deeper the cut, the longer the wound will take to heal.

Dig Deep: When we hurt deeply we have to dig even deeper to find that place in our hearts to forgive our perpetrators. Sometimes we just need to put ourselves in their shoes and think about how it would feel if we had made the mistake or purposely hurt that person.  It may take time for that seed of compassion to grow into forgiveness but we just need to make a start.

I shared a Facebook post in December 2014, part of which read:Sometimes they pass away without you having the chance to let them know just how much you love them. After they're gone, it does no good saying, "I love you!" They won't benefit from it then. So if you are bitter towards a loved one make the choice to give the gift of forgiveness as you shop for your Christmas gifts this year. The best gift that you can give a loved one you are holding hatred in your heart for is your forgiveness. That's how they'll know you love them. “Sometimes they pass away without you having the chance to let them know just how much you love them. After they're gone, it does no good saying, "I love you!" They won't benefit from it then. So if you are bitter towards a loved one make the choice to give the gift of forgiveness ... The best gift that you can give a loved one you are holding hatred for is your forgiveness. That's how they'll know you love them.”

And may I add... That's not only how they’ll know that we love them. It is also how we will be free from that bitterness inside—that thing that makes us boil up inside—the fire that rages within, causing us to share with others the wrong being done to us, instead of going to the individual(s) we have the issue(s) with. That thing that makes us want to breathe angry words like darts, aimed at hurting those loved ones. Romans 6:12 tells us not to let sin control the way we live. So why not make the choice to forgive? Forgiveness is the only cure. Without forgiveness that poison will infect many generations to come. Forgive and be forgiven. That’s love!

Live free from it: The moment we forgive our perpetrators, sin’s power is broken. We then experience the freedom to live. It is a reminder that we are sinners saved by grace and that we should extend that grace to others. While we were dead in sin, Christ died to save us. Through Him we have received God’s forgiveness. “So, now there is no condemnation for those who belong to Christ Jesus. For the power of the life-giving Spirit has freed you through Christ Jesus from the power of sin that leads to death” (Romans 8:1-2).

John 10:10 helps us to understand that God wants us to flourish—He wants us to live. If we continue to hold bitterness in our hearts we will simply wither and die. Forgiveness helps both the victim and the perpetrator. The longer we refuse to forgive the longer it takes for us to receive our healing and begin to live again.

Hatred is poison to the soul. It makes us wither and die. Therefore, I choose to love. Will you join me? Go ahead! Forgive! And live free from bitterness. You will experience the freedom that comes from your heavenly Father.

Janice S Ramkissoon ©2015