Christian Living

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Relationships are key to our joy. When they are working well, They bring deep happiness. When they don't, they cause the heart to ache.

What makes relationships so significant?

God has created us relational beings. That’s the way He meets many of our needs (Php 4:18, NLT). You can probably trace the source of most of your success or failures to relationships!

Considering the impact they have, it is no surprise their breakdown causes unbearable pain, confusion, anger, distorted self-image, deep regrets, and self-blame.

But how can we recover from these devastating effects of relationship breakdown? We need to run to God to meet our emotional needs when relationships break down.

The Bible tells us (Philippians 4:19, the Message) "that God will take care of everything" we need.

Knowing what our basic needs are helps us see the bigger picture of what God means by promising to take care of everything we need.

Some of our basic needs are:

- Existential needs: food, shelter, clothing, social environment
- Need for protection: ability to adjust readily to different
conditions, care, freedom, and security
- Need for affection: loved, friendship, family, and social
relationships
- Need for identity
- Need for creativity

God meets all of these needs in Christ Jesus. Not a single one will be missed out! It is very important to know and believe this, as it's the first step towards recovery.

Disbelieving that God meets our needs affect us in the following two ways:

1. We will run to other things or people to meet our needs and will become deeply disappointed. Some of our needs are meant to be met only by God. To miss this point is to lose the joy of life.

2. We will become weak in our resolve to follow Jesus. Following Jesus is not a solitary lifestyle. We are called to,

a) Belong to a people

and

b) "Fish for men"

These are relational. Remaining hurt with sore spots on our souls means that we cannot go far enough in following Jesus. We will jam up mentality and shrink back when something in relationships touches the sore point in us. Hence, we won't be able to obey the "love one another" command, and many other commands of the Lord.

We must believe that God will provide all of our needs, just as he has promised!

We also need to know that loss or breakdown of some relationships happens to everyone. knowing this will help us relax a bit more. It's difficult to go forward if you always wonder something might be wrong with you.

The reason life involves dealing with broken relationships is because humanity is broken at its core. This means expecting others to solve our problem is pointless. At best, they can support us and stand beside us when we are working things out. God has designed some of our needs to be met by people, but they can’t meet every need of ours. God is to be the source!

Another key step to take is to tell God how we feel. God knows anyway; we might as well come to light and let him help us get those feeling off our chest and find his clarity on the issues.

If you have difficulty telling God how discouraged, disappointed, or betrayed you feel, read the book of Job to learn how to express them to God. God is interested in how you feel! He can handle your feelings. He understands more than anyone else would. after all, he made us, didn’t he (Ps. 139:13-14, NLT)? We can ask him questions, tell him our confusions and ask for his help. There are approximately 3,300 questions in the Bible. So, God has no problem with our questions.

You may ask, how does it help me when I let God know how I feel?

It helps you turn to God instead of other things. God loves this. It pleases him when his children trust him with and in their hard times. And he will make you cause shine like the noonday sun (Ps. 37: 5-6, NLT). His pleasure is our joy!

I remember times when I used to talk to my father about issues I was facing. He always beamed with joy. He listened attentively. It helped my relationship with him go deeper. As a result, I felt secure and loved by him.

It’s just the same with God. He delights in us and we find security in his pleasure, as we go to him in crisis.

Another reason for telling God how we feel, is that he is able to make the right diagnosis. This little illustration might help.

When we have a problem with our car, we take it to a mechanic and tell him or her what we think the problem is. We assume what might be wrong. Often the mechanic takes the car for a drive and comes back with a diagnosis different from ours.

God is the magnificent designer. He had us in his mind before he made the world (Eph. 1:4, NLT)! So he knows exactly what's going on (Ps. 139, NLT). And it’s often not what we think it is. Coming to God afford us gain His clarity; it helps us be restored by his caring hands


We also need to make sure we have forgiven those who hurt us. it is important that we forgive and not harbour resentment. Unforgiveness is one of the biggest hindrances of spiritual life (Mark 11:26, HCSB). It can even make us physically or mentally unwell if we hang on to it long enough. Unforgiveness is the prison of the soul!

When we forgive, we are able to move on in life. If you feel unable to forgive, ask God to help you. Ask him to forgive through you.

Lastly, it is important to talk to trusted and mature friends to receive prayer. We don't need to broadcast to everyone how we feel. One or two trusted friends are enough to help us. They can pray with us as well as keep lifting us up before the Lord.

Having done these, by the grace God we surely move towards recovery. And as Francis Bottome’s song says:

…”Lo, the great King of kings,
with healing in His wings,
To every captive soul a full
deliv’rance brings;
And through the vacant cells
the songs of triumph
rings…”

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