Poetry

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I woke this morning rather abruptly
It felt just like a normal day
Except that I had a sudden urge to say something out loud
"This is not my life" I said in voice that did not shudder
"I no longer am the owner of me"
I usually hold back a little for myself when making such a submissive claim
But not this morning

This is something I have forgotten for sometime now
I am ashamed to say it but it is the truth
Because the Lord has never made a more stubborn man
And though the process has been a continuous one
I rarely ever learn without him gently slapping me in the face
Although I do have a slight adversarial temperance when He does
But not this morning

It never hurts very much and I welcome His intervention
Mostly because I know the outcome
And that place is a better man in a more peaceful silence
It was only till afterward that I realized I had said this 3 times in a row
"This is not my life"
These are the tiny things he uses to remind his obstinate son
Remind him of what he already knows
But often forgets in the pursuit of himself
Yet failing is often a large part of me
But not this morning

I wish I could say this realization will stick without fade
Still I know myself, thanks to you
So as unpleasant as it may sound at first
I will force myself to remember I was bought at a price
I will use your strength to remind me why you purchased my life with yours
With your blood
And on that day you gave me everything there is to give
Yet how often I awake wanting more
As if everlasting is not as much as can be given
As if wanting is devoid of knowing what is eternal has no more to give
But not this morning

Yes I will use your Spirit to remind myself how lucky I am in this
How thankful I am because of this
And in doing so I will remember that this is the truth
That you are the truth
And that nothing more can be gained beyond what has been freely given
My life is now in you
And I will have it no other way
Soon I will close my eyes
I will Take my last breath here
and then i will return to you
But not this morning

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