Communication

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What do your actions say about controlling others?

Every family has one! Perhaps you are a person who must be in control of every conversation and situation. If you will think back in your lifetime, you will notice that the idea of control has mushroomed into a big problem in our interpersonal relationships.
Think about this issue as you progress through this article, and see what answers you derive.

Conversation

What happens when you are in a conversation with someone? Is there free interplay of ideas or does one or the other person monopolize the content? There are those who are unhappy unless they are the center of attention and other reasons that cause a lopsided dialogue to transpire. It can be very nerve-wracking to be in a discussion like this. If you are on the receiving end, try to refocus what is said by changing the subject, unless you enjoy being manipulated in this manner.

If you are the one who must control what is being said, ask yourself why? Is it loneliness, a superior image you have of yourself, or some other reason that makes you act this way. According to statistics, 60-80% of our conversation time should be spent in listening, not talking. As a chaplain, the biggest part of my job is to listen so I can know the needs of the person I am speaking with. I cannot ascertain these needs if I am talking too much.

The next question I would ask is whether you care about others? You may say that you do, but what do your actions portray? How you listen is a big determinant of your caring quotient. Listening is a lifelong learning experience. Listen with the idea that you don't know what is going to be said, that you know nothing about the person who is speaking to you. Give them encouragement by proper posture and body language signals. Pay attention with your whole being as you would want to be listened to.

Life Situations

As life plays out, how do you conduct yourself? Do you always need to be on center stage? Does it make you mad or uneasy if someone else gets the attention you feel you deserve? Have you ever noticed people avoiding you? How you treat others will help determine how your later life plays out. If you are lonely now, you will be lonelier then if you are a controlling person. Is this what you want for yourself? Are you honest enough to analyze how you treat others, and perhaps ask friends and family how they perceive your behavior?

Old habits can be hard to break, but you can do it with determination. Be introspective as you analyze how you treat those around you. What are the foundations of these actions? Just because you have done this for a long time doesn't mean you are destined to continue in this vein. You are the only one who can change what is happening. You must take responsibility for your actions, then do something about them if you want to. But if you choose not to change, think ahead to the consequences that will ensue. The basis for the solution is a compassionate and caring attitude. Can others see this attribute in how you conduct your conversations and your life? "The beginning of love is to let those we love be perfectly themselves, and not to twist them to fit our own image." Author Unknown

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